The first night Russ moved into the apartment he was briefly introduced to two other room mates... two room mates who wouldn't be staying in the room with him, but who he'd be sharing the rest of the apartment with nonetheless.
When The Actor introduced The Baby Mama, Russ didn't catch her name, and even a week later he still wouldn't understand what her name was.
Kyra? Kyla? Kiya? After hearing someone else say it maybe it was Kara or Karen. It definitely starts with a 'kuh' sound.
She said a quick hello that night while cleaning a plate off in the kitchen and then retreated to her room.
Later in the evening, much later the other room mate showed up. He said an even quicker hello before wheeling his bike back to his room down the dark hallway. Russ barely got a look
at him.
"Oh that's the other room mate... He's cool."
"Oh word." Russ said to The Drug Dealer.
That night while laying in bed, Russ heard over and over again someone going into the bathroom, and throwing up. It seemed to be happening every twenty to thirty minutes... Russ tried not to think too much of it, and hoped one of his room mates wasn't dying.
The next night Russ noticed again someone throwing up a lot throughout the night.
The day after while giving The Drug Dealer a ride to somewhere on Hollywood Blvd, Russ felt comfortable enough with The Drug Dealer to ask about who's dying in the apartment.
"Oh yea he was addicted to opiates and I cut him off, so he's going through withdrawals or whatever."
Russ wasn't too sure what to say... that's kind of a fucked up situation.
"...that's some heavy shit man."
"Yea it was getting bad, I had to stop selling to him."
It'd be a few more days before Russ would actually get a good look at his room mate The Drug Addict, and when he did that image would be burned into his brain, and haunt him for the rest of his life, or until other new memories pushed that memory out if his head.
Tall, just skin and bones, The Drug Addict had piercing light blue eyes, one of which is incredibly lazy. He also had scabs and small fresh cuts/wounds on his face and all over his arms and legs.
Gross. Scary gross.
"Great, I'm sure you're going to be the star of any nightmares I have over the next couple months. Thanks bro."
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A few nights after moving in Russ had gotten home from a show pretty late, it was nearing midnight and the only other people home were The Drug Dealer and The Baby Mama.
The Baby Mama came out of her room and asked if The Drug Dealer and Russ wanted to walk to the gas station. The Drug Dealer wanted to call his girlfriend so he passed. The apartment was hot, so Russ didn't mind getting back out into that cool LA air.
Russ had no idea what he was about to get himself into, and after tonight The Baby Mama wouldn't like him, and would stop speaking to/acknowledging him. Russ would be fine with this.
As they walked out of the apartment and up the street towards the gas station they came to some construction where there was a walkway that had been constructed to pass through so you wouldn't be bothered by the mess.
The Baby Mama pulled Russ into the street and told him not to walk through the walk way.
Russ isn't a fan of being touched really, especially by people he doesn't know... He also doesn't like being told what to do, especially by people he doesn't know.
This rubbed Russ the wrong way, but he could deal with it.
"Yo you got your phone?"
"Yea..."
"You got music on dere?"
"Uh yea."
"Play some."
Russ didn't really wanna hold his phone out and play music.
"Well I don't wanna run out the battery..."
"Man play some."
Russ pulled out his phone and put his music on shuffle.
"Next."
Russ skipped to the next song, luckily The Baby Mama got a phone call.
A few minutes later and they were just about at the gas station.
"Yo man, this is my spot. Watch. Watch. I go in, they know me."
They entered the gas station.
"Yoooo!"
The clerk nodded and started to ring her up for a cigar. Russ was impressed, wow, the clerk at the Mobil station was familiar with The Baby Mama, Russ felt like he was hanging out with royalty.
"Imma use the bathroom real quick, pay for this."
She quickly handed Russ a couple bucks, and headed back to the bathroom.
"Uh I guess I'll pay for that."
Russ paid for the cigar, grabbed it, took the change, and waited a moment for The Baby Mama. She came out if the bathroom holding her hands out as if they were wet.
"Yo you guys ain't got any paper towels?"
Russ was the only one who heard her, and he just looked around. She slowly walked up to the front of the gas station.
"Hey you ain't got no paper towels?"
Again Russ was the only one who heard her.
"Man whatever!"
She grabbed the cigar from Russ, and he followed her towards the door. She stopped, put her arm around Russ, and looked at the clerk.
"This is my bro. This is my bro."
Russ just stared at the clerk, who nodded. They walked out of the gas station.
Russ wanted to go back to the apartment.
"Hey let's hit up this 7-11 up here."
"How far is it?"
"It's right here dude."
It was only a half block away.
"Yea okay..."
They arrived at 7-11 moments later, The Baby Mama went inside and Russ waited outside. She went towards the back, towards the alcohol, grabbed a 32 ounce (pretty sure that was the size... it was one of those bigger cans) and took it to the register to pay. Russ turned around and faced the parking lot. She came out halfway...
"Hey man get in here."
"No thanks, I don't want anything."
"Maaaan."
She went back in and paid for her drink. She came out and they started walking through the parking lot.
"Hey over here..."
"The apartment's this way..."
"Over her man, real quick come on."
Russ followed her down the street a bit, she stopped under a tree and opened her beer.
"Come on you don't need me here.., I'm going back."
"Hold on man, I'll be quick."
Russ was a bit nervous... He was worried cops would drive by, so he was nervously looking around.
"Man stop looking around. Stop being nervous. You scared?"
"I'm not scared... It's late. I'm tired. I'm going back."
"That don't look good man just leaving me here."
Russ just looked at her.
"Alright man we'll head back."
They started to head back. They passed the 7-11 and then the gas station. The Baby Mama got another phone call and sat on a ledge.
"Hold up man, sit down."
Russ stopped and stood there. The Baby Mama talked on the phone for a minute.
"Hey man sit down."
"No thanks."
"Sit down man."
"I'm good."
"Sit down!"
"I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN!"
Russ didn't really yell, but had raised his voice some.
"Take yo'self back to the apartment den."
"Fine!"
Russ started towards the apartment. As he got further down the block The Baby Mama yelled something at him. Russ heard her, but couldn't make out what she said, he just kept walking.
Russ got back to the apartment and laid down. The Baby Mama showed up over an hour later and didn't look at him as she entered the apartment.
"Yea don't look at me bitch."
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!" The thrilling conclusion to "Meet the Room Mates" ...who is The Prophet?!? Stay tuned!!
A young boy blossoms into a man, in this incredible true story about love, friendship, heartache, and betrayal.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
6) Meet the room mates... Pt. 2 - The Drug Dealer
The first night in his new apartment, Russ was introduced to another room mate, one that actually shares the room with him. The room mate seemed friendly enough. He was living at the apartment with The Actor saving money until his actress girlfriend moved to LA, caught her big break and they could move in together.
Russ had changed a few of his habbits since leaving Kansas City, he had toned down his drinking... he'd probably had 2 or 3 drinks since he'd left... unlike drinking every night like he did in Kansas City. He had also quit smoking... ok he'd pretty much quit smoking. He'd had two cigarettes in the past month. Come on, that's pretty good. Russ also had cut back on smoking weed (will now be referred to as "wizard") ...he'd cut back a lot, the small amount he took with him on his trip was slowly dwindling down into nothing.
The second night in his new apartment, Russ decided to hit up a contact he thought might be able to hook him up with more wizard. At this same moment, Russ's room mate came in the room and sat down on his bed.
"Hey man... you uh... roast any?"
"Yea... well... I mean... I quit smoking cigarettes, but..."
Not that it mattered at all, but Russ looked around the room.
"I uh you know... still 'smoke'."
"Well man if you need any or wanna smoke lemme know."
Russ thought to himself, this couldn't have come at a better time. He had made a new friend... The Drug Dealer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, eagerly wanting to get out of the apartment Russ packs up his bag, walks out, and starts heading downstairs when he hears someone following him. The Drug Dealer pops his head into the stairwell.
"Hey man wanna smoke really quick?"
"Yea, come on."
Like Russ would pass on some free wizard.
They both walk outside and hop in Russ's car. After about ten minutes they are both thoroughly baked. Russ explains that he has errands to run, and they part ways.
Walking down the street with his headphones on, Russ stops on a corner to look up where Kinkos is. A Mexican lady walks right by, and after a few steps she turns around, looks at Russ, and starts speaking in Spanish.
"SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH."
Even though Russ can't understand her, he let's her continue to speak for a bit then thinks to himself...
"What the fuck? ...oh shit... you think she knows I'm high? Maybe she smelled me as she walked by. Shit!"
"Uh... I don't speak Spanish."
"The police-"
Russ's heart skips a beat... "Oh god she knows... she knows I'm high... should I just run? It's just an old lady... I could outrun her.
She continues, "...they patrol the area all the time, and they'll give kids tickets for not being in school."
"Uh I'm 25."
"Oh you look young. You know it's a horrible thing really, the police look out for young kids and if they aren't in school they pick the kids up and take them in. If they can't pay the 300$ ticket they're put in jail."
"Oh okay... well thanks for letting me know."
Russ starts to walk by her. She walks alongside him. She follows Russ for a block talking his ear off about this curfew law.
"The kids don't have the money to pay, and why should the parents be out 300$? If they drop the kids off at school, and then go to work it's not really their fault the kids sneak out of school."
"Uh huh."
"Parents can't afford that either, they're working hard, and then all of a sudden they have a 300$ ticket to pay for?!"
"Yea that's ridiculous."
"Yes it really is-"
"Well thanks for the information. Have a nice day."
Russ ran, or quickly walked into the 7-11 they had come to, watches the lady out the window, and waits for her to walk up the street.
"Bitch."
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!" ...Pt 3 - The Baby Mama and The Drug Addict... and more next time. Stay tuned!
Russ had changed a few of his habbits since leaving Kansas City, he had toned down his drinking... he'd probably had 2 or 3 drinks since he'd left... unlike drinking every night like he did in Kansas City. He had also quit smoking... ok he'd pretty much quit smoking. He'd had two cigarettes in the past month. Come on, that's pretty good. Russ also had cut back on smoking weed (will now be referred to as "wizard") ...he'd cut back a lot, the small amount he took with him on his trip was slowly dwindling down into nothing.
The second night in his new apartment, Russ decided to hit up a contact he thought might be able to hook him up with more wizard. At this same moment, Russ's room mate came in the room and sat down on his bed.
"Hey man... you uh... roast any?"
"Yea... well... I mean... I quit smoking cigarettes, but..."
Not that it mattered at all, but Russ looked around the room.
"I uh you know... still 'smoke'."
"Well man if you need any or wanna smoke lemme know."
Russ thought to himself, this couldn't have come at a better time. He had made a new friend... The Drug Dealer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, eagerly wanting to get out of the apartment Russ packs up his bag, walks out, and starts heading downstairs when he hears someone following him. The Drug Dealer pops his head into the stairwell.
"Hey man wanna smoke really quick?"
"Yea, come on."
Like Russ would pass on some free wizard.
They both walk outside and hop in Russ's car. After about ten minutes they are both thoroughly baked. Russ explains that he has errands to run, and they part ways.
Walking down the street with his headphones on, Russ stops on a corner to look up where Kinkos is. A Mexican lady walks right by, and after a few steps she turns around, looks at Russ, and starts speaking in Spanish.
"SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH."
Even though Russ can't understand her, he let's her continue to speak for a bit then thinks to himself...
"What the fuck? ...oh shit... you think she knows I'm high? Maybe she smelled me as she walked by. Shit!"
"Uh... I don't speak Spanish."
"The police-"
Russ's heart skips a beat... "Oh god she knows... she knows I'm high... should I just run? It's just an old lady... I could outrun her.
She continues, "...they patrol the area all the time, and they'll give kids tickets for not being in school."
"Uh I'm 25."
"Oh you look young. You know it's a horrible thing really, the police look out for young kids and if they aren't in school they pick the kids up and take them in. If they can't pay the 300$ ticket they're put in jail."
"Oh okay... well thanks for letting me know."
Russ starts to walk by her. She walks alongside him. She follows Russ for a block talking his ear off about this curfew law.
"The kids don't have the money to pay, and why should the parents be out 300$? If they drop the kids off at school, and then go to work it's not really their fault the kids sneak out of school."
"Uh huh."
"Parents can't afford that either, they're working hard, and then all of a sudden they have a 300$ ticket to pay for?!"
"Yea that's ridiculous."
"Yes it really is-"
"Well thanks for the information. Have a nice day."
Russ ran, or quickly walked into the 7-11 they had come to, watches the lady out the window, and waits for her to walk up the street.
"Bitch."
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!" ...Pt 3 - The Baby Mama and The Drug Addict... and more next time. Stay tuned!
5) Meet the room mates... Pt. 1 - The Actor and The Four Kids
Anyone ever watch "The Parent'Hood" when it was on? You know... with Robert Townsend? The star of Meteor Man? Russ was a fan of that movie. Bill Cosby's in it... so is Don Cheadle... he plays a character called "Goldilocks" ...Sinbad's in it... Oh Eddie Griffin is in it... Remember "Malcom and Eddie?" The show with Theo from "The Cosby Show"? I think his name was Maynard... no... Marvin-Jamal Warner? I dunno something like that. It doesn't matter... the show was set in Kansas City... that's kind of cool.
"What does any of this have to do with Russ's room mate?"
Right...
Anyone ever watch "That's So Raven" when it was on... is it still on? Russ didn't. Anyways, both those shows, "The Parent'Hood" and "That's So Raven" have one thing in common. (I feel like I should change the name just to be safe) Byrone Turton.
"So..."
So guess who just moved in with Byrone Turton? Yep Russ. Sounds exciting right? Well you're wrong, and not just about this either. You're wrong about a lot of things. That shirt you're wearing, it doesn't match those pants.
Born in Boston, The Actor was contacted by Warner Brothers, who flew him out to LA to play a character on "The Parent'Hood" back in the late 90's. Who knows what happened after that. Oh, Russ does. The Actor had four kids, with at least two different women, and was on an episode or two of "That's So Raven." What a life.
Now he lives in LA, where he rents out rooms in his big apartment. Russ is currently his newest room mate.
"So what's this fine actor up to now?"
Well aside from being very religious, going to bible study, and church... he walks the streets of Hollywood, selling bootleg copies of his own DVDs, The Byrone Turton Show! Now, selling bootleg copies of DVDs is illegal if you don't have the rights to them, and the cops look out for anyone doing so.
Fast forward to a couple days later.
Late one evening, heading down to the parking garage where the laundry room was, Russ walked into the garage closing the door behind him. He walked into the laundry room, threw his laundry in the machine, started it up, and walked out into the garage. As he tried to open the door to the lobby, he found it had locked behind him.
"What the fuck?"
Russ kept trying to pull at the door... maybe someone would be in the lobby and hear him. A couple moments passed and he decided to try and find another way out. There were two gates that would raise to let cars in, but Russ couldn't lift them. He really couldn't be locked in a fucking parking garage... there had to be a way out... what if there was a fire or some shit? Walking around the parking garage, Russ found a door in the back that seemed to go outside. It was unlocked but he saw that if he let it close he'd be locked outside... with very few options at this point he took his chance and let the door lock behind him. He walked around the building and found the front door. Now he was locked out of the actual apartment building, but that's wasn't a problem... or was it?
Russ dialed The Actors code on the call box outside, and waited as it rang. No answer.
"Dammit man."
Russ tried again... again no answer. Russ tried texting one of his other room mates.
"Hey man are you at the apartment? I'm locked out and Byrone isn't answering his phone."
"Sorry man I'm not."
"Shit."
Russ would just have to keep trying The Actor, or wait for someone else with keys to enter the building. A few minutes passed and 4 kids walked up the door. Russ tried dialing The Actor's code again, but must have keyed the code in wrong, because someone else's voice came up on the speaker.
"Hello?"
"Uh... is Byrone there?"
"Who?"
"Is this 302?"
"No-"
Click.
"HEY! That's where we live!"
Russ looked down... well kind of down at the kids.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Russ, I just moved in a few days ago."
"Oh cool."
"I got locked out of the building and I can't get ahold of Tyrone."
"He's talking to the police!"
"Uh... what?"
"He got arrested! It was on TMZ!"
"Uh... what?"
Russ didn't know it at the time but hours earlier in the day, the police had suspected The Actor of selling boot leg DVDs. They hand cuffed him, questioned him, and eventually let him go. Unfortunately TMZ was there and filmed the whole thing. So... on the early afternoon or evening broadcast of TMZ, hundreds of thousands of people (just a guess, not sure what the ratings for TMZ are) found out about The Actor's story as well as his kids... before Russ did.
The kids kept talking, and after a few moments someone who had keys to the building came and let them in.
Twenty or thirty minutes later The Actor came home, and explained what had happened. TMZ actually came back on a few minutes later, the later rerun... Russ had to check it out. There he was, Russ's room mate on TMZ. Ridiculous.
Did you not catch TMZ that night? Don't believe it?
UNNNGHH Check it.
Russ felt kinda bad... in the story TMZ said that if you're selling boot leg copies of your own DVDs your career must be over. That feeling didn't last long when Byrone Turton came out of his room, and told Russ he had recorded the episode of TMZ on his VCR, and wondered if Russ could transfer it to DVD for him... for his "show" ...The Tyrone Burton show.
"Hey, what exactly is the Byrone Turton show?"
Oh well... you know how on "Martin" the show with Martin Lawrence... he would play different characters? Like Roscoe? The kid with snot always dripping down his nose? Or Jerome? The pimp? It's like that. It's EXACTLY like that. He does the SAME characters.
You mean... Warner Brothers didn't pick up your show? Neither did BET? Maybe it's because you're using material that's been done.
As for The Kids... they're loud and annoying in the morning... at like 9 and 10 am when the rest of the world is trying to sleep.
"Shaddup shaddup SHADDUP!"
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!" ...Pt 2 - The Drug Dealer... and more next time. Stay tuned!
"What does any of this have to do with Russ's room mate?"
Right...
Anyone ever watch "That's So Raven" when it was on... is it still on? Russ didn't. Anyways, both those shows, "The Parent'Hood" and "That's So Raven" have one thing in common. (I feel like I should change the name just to be safe) Byrone Turton.
"So..."
So guess who just moved in with Byrone Turton? Yep Russ. Sounds exciting right? Well you're wrong, and not just about this either. You're wrong about a lot of things. That shirt you're wearing, it doesn't match those pants.
Born in Boston, The Actor was contacted by Warner Brothers, who flew him out to LA to play a character on "The Parent'Hood" back in the late 90's. Who knows what happened after that. Oh, Russ does. The Actor had four kids, with at least two different women, and was on an episode or two of "That's So Raven." What a life.
Now he lives in LA, where he rents out rooms in his big apartment. Russ is currently his newest room mate.
"So what's this fine actor up to now?"
Well aside from being very religious, going to bible study, and church... he walks the streets of Hollywood, selling bootleg copies of his own DVDs, The Byrone Turton Show! Now, selling bootleg copies of DVDs is illegal if you don't have the rights to them, and the cops look out for anyone doing so.
Fast forward to a couple days later.
Late one evening, heading down to the parking garage where the laundry room was, Russ walked into the garage closing the door behind him. He walked into the laundry room, threw his laundry in the machine, started it up, and walked out into the garage. As he tried to open the door to the lobby, he found it had locked behind him.
"What the fuck?"
Russ kept trying to pull at the door... maybe someone would be in the lobby and hear him. A couple moments passed and he decided to try and find another way out. There were two gates that would raise to let cars in, but Russ couldn't lift them. He really couldn't be locked in a fucking parking garage... there had to be a way out... what if there was a fire or some shit? Walking around the parking garage, Russ found a door in the back that seemed to go outside. It was unlocked but he saw that if he let it close he'd be locked outside... with very few options at this point he took his chance and let the door lock behind him. He walked around the building and found the front door. Now he was locked out of the actual apartment building, but that's wasn't a problem... or was it?
Russ dialed The Actors code on the call box outside, and waited as it rang. No answer.
"Dammit man."
Russ tried again... again no answer. Russ tried texting one of his other room mates.
"Hey man are you at the apartment? I'm locked out and Byrone isn't answering his phone."
"Sorry man I'm not."
"Shit."
Russ would just have to keep trying The Actor, or wait for someone else with keys to enter the building. A few minutes passed and 4 kids walked up the door. Russ tried dialing The Actor's code again, but must have keyed the code in wrong, because someone else's voice came up on the speaker.
"Hello?"
"Uh... is Byrone there?"
"Who?"
"Is this 302?"
"No-"
Click.
"HEY! That's where we live!"
Russ looked down... well kind of down at the kids.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Russ, I just moved in a few days ago."
"Oh cool."
"I got locked out of the building and I can't get ahold of Tyrone."
"He's talking to the police!"
"Uh... what?"
"He got arrested! It was on TMZ!"
"Uh... what?"
Russ didn't know it at the time but hours earlier in the day, the police had suspected The Actor of selling boot leg DVDs. They hand cuffed him, questioned him, and eventually let him go. Unfortunately TMZ was there and filmed the whole thing. So... on the early afternoon or evening broadcast of TMZ, hundreds of thousands of people (just a guess, not sure what the ratings for TMZ are) found out about The Actor's story as well as his kids... before Russ did.
The kids kept talking, and after a few moments someone who had keys to the building came and let them in.
Twenty or thirty minutes later The Actor came home, and explained what had happened. TMZ actually came back on a few minutes later, the later rerun... Russ had to check it out. There he was, Russ's room mate on TMZ. Ridiculous.
Did you not catch TMZ that night? Don't believe it?
UNNNGHH Check it.
Russ felt kinda bad... in the story TMZ said that if you're selling boot leg copies of your own DVDs your career must be over. That feeling didn't last long when Byrone Turton came out of his room, and told Russ he had recorded the episode of TMZ on his VCR, and wondered if Russ could transfer it to DVD for him... for his "show" ...The Tyrone Burton show.
"Hey, what exactly is the Byrone Turton show?"
Oh well... you know how on "Martin" the show with Martin Lawrence... he would play different characters? Like Roscoe? The kid with snot always dripping down his nose? Or Jerome? The pimp? It's like that. It's EXACTLY like that. He does the SAME characters.
You mean... Warner Brothers didn't pick up your show? Neither did BET? Maybe it's because you're using material that's been done.
As for The Kids... they're loud and annoying in the morning... at like 9 and 10 am when the rest of the world is trying to sleep.
"Shaddup shaddup SHADDUP!"
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!" ...Pt 2 - The Drug Dealer... and more next time. Stay tuned!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
4) "Lemme ask you this, Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?"
After almost a week of staying at a hotel in LA, Russ decided that he needed to find a place to live TODAY. Enough wasting his money. So, desperate to find a place that day, instead of just emailing a reply to an ad on Craigslist, he started calling the phone numbers left in the ads.
"I have a Space for rent for $450 a month Utilities included (Gas Water, Electric) The space is private but not sound proof. It has a 4 drawer dresser and a single bed. It's $450 for "First" month and 450 "Last". 900 moves you in on, Feb 1st. Close to the 405 and 10 freeways. UCLA, food and shopping centers. I smoke Cigs outside and I "Smoke" indoors and prefer a roommate that does, as to not make waves. Quick Call before it's gone."
"Quick Call before it's gone."
Russ called the number in the ad. After a short conversation with Jeff, Russ drove 45 minutes away from downtown LA to the place on Venice Blvd. Jeff met him outside, and they walked in together.
After a quick tour of the apartment, and after seeing the Xbox 360, Russ thought to himself that this could really work out. He could see himself living here for a couple months.
"So yea the place is available on the 6th."
Russ could of sworn the ad on Craigslist said the first of February, but maybe he just read it wrong.
"I'm kind of looking for a place to live right now... today."
"Oh well... the room might be ready by the 3rd or 4th."
"Um... I guess I can let you know if I don't find a place by then."
"Yea do that, if the room is free sooner I'll let you know."
"Ok. Thanks."
Russ walked back to his car discouraged. He pulled out his phone and checked the Craigslist ad. Yep it said February 1st.
"That fucker."
Russ received a text message.
"Oh hey man sorry I must of made a typo in the ad I meant to say the 6th and not the 1st."
"Ok."
Russ received another text.
"Hey have you tried using Couchsurf? You could check out the website and find a place to crash for a couple days until the room opens up."
"Ok."
"You fucker."
*Note: I received a text from Jeff yesterday (2/7/11) ... "Hey Rex... This is Jeff with the space avaiable. 420 friendly. Give me a call back and we can set up a time to come by n look at it. Ttys."
Russ got back in his car and drove to the closest coffee shop with free internet. Back on Craigslist, an ad caught his eye.
"Shared Livingroom with Direct TV and a Bed for $349.00 a Month (month to month basis)
Shared kitchen and bathroom.
1 Block From the Metro Train Station
1 Block from the Grocery Store
2 Blocks from Sprint Starbucks yogart land Subway and Panda Express
No Smoking No drinking Alcohal and No Cursing"
"350 a month with Direct TV? That doesn't sound too bad."
Russ called the number.
"Hello who's this?"
"Hey my name's Russ... I was calling in response to your Craigslist ad. Is your room still available?"
"It is, but lemme ask you this, Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God."
"Uhhh..."
How do you answer that question? Russ isn't religious... he didn't know. He wasn't going to just say "no" and ruin his chances at a cheap place.
"Um I don't really know how to answer that question..."
"Are you a Christian man?"
"I mean I was raised as a Christian, but I'm not really practicing right now...."
"Well a little bit about me... I'm a Christian man myself, I'm also an actor. A few years ago Warner Brothers flew me out here to LA to be in a television show "The Parent'Hood" as a character "T.K." you can IMDB me, and I just like to know who exactly I'm surrounding myself with in my home."
"Um okay... so, now... does the 349$ include utilities... and do you have internet?"
"The 349$ does include utilities, you know I take care of that, and I also provide Direct TV at no extra cost, but we don't have internet here."
"Ok-"
"Now can I ask you why you're not a practicing Christian anymore?"
Really? He was going to make Russ go into this?
"Um well, my mom died when I was 11, and after that happened I just stopped going to church, stopped practicing."
"Ok ok, and why'd you stop going to church?"
Really?
"Well you know, I went to a Catholic school, and everyday I was praying for her to get better, and nothing ever came of it, so I just gave up on it all. As much as people can say, "Oh that's part of God's plan," I just didn't believe it."
"Ok ok, well you know that she was suffering, and so God decided to take her and put her in a better place with him, so she wouldn't be in pain anymore."
At this point Russ would of normally argued, that if that's the case God gave his mom cancer, and watched her suffer for several months, watched her family suffer, before killing her, but he wasn't going to argue with this guy... he needed a place to live. He could play along.
"Ok."
"So you're not very religious."
"No not really, so that probably hurts my chances of getting the spot huh?"
"No, you know I just want to know who I'm living with."
"Ok... well I can provide references, if need be..."
"Oh that's not necessary."
"I also see that it's a month-to-month agreement, I can pay you in advance for two months."
"You know, why don't you come by, we can chat, you can check out the place and make a decision, go ahead and bring cash with you if you decide you want the place."
Russ got the address and headed back to downtown LA, another 45 minute trip. Russ started to think about what he was about to do, give some guy he didn't know 700$ to live in an apartment for two months. He stopped by an ATM and pulled 700$ from his savings. He started to get nervous.
"Well here's hopping I don't get beaten and mugged."
Before he got to the apartment, Russ pulled out his phone and looked up his possible future room mate on IMDB. There he was... 33 episodes of "The Parent'Hood" ...a couple episodes of "That's so Raven" ...surely he wouldn't get beaten and mugged by a Disney star.
Russ got to the apartment, and got buzzed in.
The place was big. A few bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, kitchen. The place was warm too. That's the first thing he noticed, but he didn't pay much attention to that. After a quick tour, and a lengthy chat about religion and work... Russ thought to himself...
"Ok well this guy's super religious, maybe that's a good thing though... I can probably trust him. This place is also in walking distance of everywhere I need to be, so that's a plus... it's also super fucking cheap... it's only two months... I'm sure I can deal with no drinking and cursing for that long.
Russ decided to call this place his home for the next two months. He pulled out his wad of twenties, and paid the man.
Russ had just made a huge mistake.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Getting to know your room mates... The Actor, The Baby Mama, The Drug Dealer, The Drug Addict, The Prophet, and on weekends - The Four Kids. This and more next time.
"I have a Space for rent for $450 a month Utilities included (Gas Water, Electric) The space is private but not sound proof. It has a 4 drawer dresser and a single bed. It's $450 for "First" month and 450 "Last". 900 moves you in on, Feb 1st. Close to the 405 and 10 freeways. UCLA, food and shopping centers. I smoke Cigs outside and I "Smoke" indoors and prefer a roommate that does, as to not make waves. Quick Call before it's gone."
"Quick Call before it's gone."
Russ called the number in the ad. After a short conversation with Jeff, Russ drove 45 minutes away from downtown LA to the place on Venice Blvd. Jeff met him outside, and they walked in together.
After a quick tour of the apartment, and after seeing the Xbox 360, Russ thought to himself that this could really work out. He could see himself living here for a couple months.
"So yea the place is available on the 6th."
Russ could of sworn the ad on Craigslist said the first of February, but maybe he just read it wrong.
"I'm kind of looking for a place to live right now... today."
"Oh well... the room might be ready by the 3rd or 4th."
"Um... I guess I can let you know if I don't find a place by then."
"Yea do that, if the room is free sooner I'll let you know."
"Ok. Thanks."
Russ walked back to his car discouraged. He pulled out his phone and checked the Craigslist ad. Yep it said February 1st.
"That fucker."
Russ received a text message.
"Oh hey man sorry I must of made a typo in the ad I meant to say the 6th and not the 1st."
"Ok."
Russ received another text.
"Hey have you tried using Couchsurf? You could check out the website and find a place to crash for a couple days until the room opens up."
"Ok."
"You fucker."
*Note: I received a text from Jeff yesterday (2/7/11) ... "Hey Rex... This is Jeff with the space avaiable. 420 friendly. Give me a call back and we can set up a time to come by n look at it. Ttys."
Russ got back in his car and drove to the closest coffee shop with free internet. Back on Craigslist, an ad caught his eye.
"Shared Livingroom with Direct TV and a Bed for $349.00 a Month (month to month basis)
Shared kitchen and bathroom.
1 Block From the Metro Train Station
1 Block from the Grocery Store
2 Blocks from Sprint Starbucks yogart land Subway and Panda Express
No Smoking No drinking Alcohal and No Cursing"
"350 a month with Direct TV? That doesn't sound too bad."
Russ called the number.
"Hello who's this?"
"Hey my name's Russ... I was calling in response to your Craigslist ad. Is your room still available?"
"It is, but lemme ask you this, Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God."
"Uhhh..."
How do you answer that question? Russ isn't religious... he didn't know. He wasn't going to just say "no" and ruin his chances at a cheap place.
"Um I don't really know how to answer that question..."
"Are you a Christian man?"
"I mean I was raised as a Christian, but I'm not really practicing right now...."
"Well a little bit about me... I'm a Christian man myself, I'm also an actor. A few years ago Warner Brothers flew me out here to LA to be in a television show "The Parent'Hood" as a character "T.K." you can IMDB me, and I just like to know who exactly I'm surrounding myself with in my home."
"Um okay... so, now... does the 349$ include utilities... and do you have internet?"
"The 349$ does include utilities, you know I take care of that, and I also provide Direct TV at no extra cost, but we don't have internet here."
"Ok-"
"Now can I ask you why you're not a practicing Christian anymore?"
Really? He was going to make Russ go into this?
"Um well, my mom died when I was 11, and after that happened I just stopped going to church, stopped practicing."
"Ok ok, and why'd you stop going to church?"
Really?
"Well you know, I went to a Catholic school, and everyday I was praying for her to get better, and nothing ever came of it, so I just gave up on it all. As much as people can say, "Oh that's part of God's plan," I just didn't believe it."
"Ok ok, well you know that she was suffering, and so God decided to take her and put her in a better place with him, so she wouldn't be in pain anymore."
At this point Russ would of normally argued, that if that's the case God gave his mom cancer, and watched her suffer for several months, watched her family suffer, before killing her, but he wasn't going to argue with this guy... he needed a place to live. He could play along.
"Ok."
"So you're not very religious."
"No not really, so that probably hurts my chances of getting the spot huh?"
"No, you know I just want to know who I'm living with."
"Ok... well I can provide references, if need be..."
"Oh that's not necessary."
"I also see that it's a month-to-month agreement, I can pay you in advance for two months."
"You know, why don't you come by, we can chat, you can check out the place and make a decision, go ahead and bring cash with you if you decide you want the place."
Russ got the address and headed back to downtown LA, another 45 minute trip. Russ started to think about what he was about to do, give some guy he didn't know 700$ to live in an apartment for two months. He stopped by an ATM and pulled 700$ from his savings. He started to get nervous.
"Well here's hopping I don't get beaten and mugged."
Before he got to the apartment, Russ pulled out his phone and looked up his possible future room mate on IMDB. There he was... 33 episodes of "The Parent'Hood" ...a couple episodes of "That's so Raven" ...surely he wouldn't get beaten and mugged by a Disney star.
Russ got to the apartment, and got buzzed in.
The place was big. A few bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, kitchen. The place was warm too. That's the first thing he noticed, but he didn't pay much attention to that. After a quick tour, and a lengthy chat about religion and work... Russ thought to himself...
"Ok well this guy's super religious, maybe that's a good thing though... I can probably trust him. This place is also in walking distance of everywhere I need to be, so that's a plus... it's also super fucking cheap... it's only two months... I'm sure I can deal with no drinking and cursing for that long.
Russ decided to call this place his home for the next two months. He pulled out his wad of twenties, and paid the man.
Russ had just made a huge mistake.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Getting to know your room mates... The Actor, The Baby Mama, The Drug Dealer, The Drug Addict, The Prophet, and on weekends - The Four Kids. This and more next time.
3) "The candy tastes like root beer."
A week into being in LA, Russ spent his days looking for work and a place to live, and his nights watching shows on his laptop. Being more of a night owl, Russ would take a short walk late at night usually picking a different direction every time.
One thing you'll notice about LA is that there are a lot of homeless people. In fact, LA is apparently the homeless capital in the U.S. One evening while walking back to the hotel a man, who at first glance appeared to be homeless, came up to Russ.
"Excuse me sir-"
"Oh..."
When the man saw he had Russ's attention, he approached him. The smell of piss was heavy on the man, confirming Russ's suspicions of the man probably being homeless. The man held a manila folder in his hand.
"I just wrote the script for the new Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie movie that's coming out this year..."
He showed Russ the manila folder. Taped to one side was some printed out movie poster. The picture just looked like images had been Photoshopped together. Two people sitting in a Convertible waving towards the camera, and then a person standing behind the car with sunglasses who was way out of proportion to the car he was standing behind. Behind them was a picture of the famous Hollywood Hills.
"...I'm out here trying to raise money for my organization, we're trying to build a building where-"
"Oh sorry man I don't have any cash."
Russ started to walk away. This wouldn't be the first time this has happened, and it probably wouldn't be the last, but as Russ walked away he must have heard Russ's keys jingling in his pocket.
"Any change sir?"
"Nope just my keys. Take care."
Russ didn't know what to think. He had to give the homeless man props for his story... at least it was interesting.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Russ was excited. This afternoon he'd get to go to the taping of a pilot for the E! Network. After contacting a friend Russ had made 3 years earlier, he'd find that his friend was helping write the pilot the show. Russ received a priority ticket, he didn't have to wait outside in line, he got seated first... he felt good. Things were going good.
Watching from home you don't really see what goes into filming a talk show, or a celebrity gossip show. They seat you and there's probably at least 100 people there, but the audience is smaller than you'd think it was from what you might see on TV. Before they start shooting they have someone come out and explain what's going on and how things will happen. It's also their job to make the crowd... "rowdy" ...and at the end the "rowdiest" group of audience members would receive a gift.
Here's what they expect from you...
-You must sit up straight at all times, and smile.
-During breaks when music is being played, clap to the beat during the whole song.
-Laugh as hard as you can, as much as you can. If you don't get a joke, still laugh. If you hear someone else laughing laugh. If you're laughing and the person next to you isn't... nudge them and tell them to laugh.
A half hour show took around two hours to shoot. Russ had never clapped, or fake laughed so much in his life. It really felt like work after awhile. They were constantly wanting to reshoot something, so he heard the same jokes over and over again.
Since the show was just a pilot there's no guarantee that it'll actually get picked up and put on the network, but if it does... first row, and a little to the left... you might be able to see the back of Russ's head.
"What about the prize for the rowdiest audience group?!?"
Oh right. Guess who won that. Everyone. Guess what the prize was. A piece of root beer flavored hard candy, and a free small McFlurry from McDonalds. While passing out the "prizes" the man kept saying, "The candy tastes like root beer." "The candy tastes like root beer." "The candy tastes like root beer." "The candy tastes like root beer."
"Hey man you're holding a fucking microphone. You could take 2 seconds, make an announcement and inform us all at the same time that the pieces of root beer flavored candy you're passing out, do in fact, taste like root beer."
What a day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ finds a place to live, and finds out that no, LA doesn't stand for "Life's Awesome!" Stay tuned.
One thing you'll notice about LA is that there are a lot of homeless people. In fact, LA is apparently the homeless capital in the U.S. One evening while walking back to the hotel a man, who at first glance appeared to be homeless, came up to Russ.
"Excuse me sir-"
"Oh..."
When the man saw he had Russ's attention, he approached him. The smell of piss was heavy on the man, confirming Russ's suspicions of the man probably being homeless. The man held a manila folder in his hand.
"I just wrote the script for the new Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie movie that's coming out this year..."
He showed Russ the manila folder. Taped to one side was some printed out movie poster. The picture just looked like images had been Photoshopped together. Two people sitting in a Convertible waving towards the camera, and then a person standing behind the car with sunglasses who was way out of proportion to the car he was standing behind. Behind them was a picture of the famous Hollywood Hills.
"...I'm out here trying to raise money for my organization, we're trying to build a building where-"
"Oh sorry man I don't have any cash."
Russ started to walk away. This wouldn't be the first time this has happened, and it probably wouldn't be the last, but as Russ walked away he must have heard Russ's keys jingling in his pocket.
"Any change sir?"
"Nope just my keys. Take care."
Russ didn't know what to think. He had to give the homeless man props for his story... at least it was interesting.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Russ was excited. This afternoon he'd get to go to the taping of a pilot for the E! Network. After contacting a friend Russ had made 3 years earlier, he'd find that his friend was helping write the pilot the show. Russ received a priority ticket, he didn't have to wait outside in line, he got seated first... he felt good. Things were going good.
Watching from home you don't really see what goes into filming a talk show, or a celebrity gossip show. They seat you and there's probably at least 100 people there, but the audience is smaller than you'd think it was from what you might see on TV. Before they start shooting they have someone come out and explain what's going on and how things will happen. It's also their job to make the crowd... "rowdy" ...and at the end the "rowdiest" group of audience members would receive a gift.
Here's what they expect from you...
-You must sit up straight at all times, and smile.
-During breaks when music is being played, clap to the beat during the whole song.
-Laugh as hard as you can, as much as you can. If you don't get a joke, still laugh. If you hear someone else laughing laugh. If you're laughing and the person next to you isn't... nudge them and tell them to laugh.
A half hour show took around two hours to shoot. Russ had never clapped, or fake laughed so much in his life. It really felt like work after awhile. They were constantly wanting to reshoot something, so he heard the same jokes over and over again.
Since the show was just a pilot there's no guarantee that it'll actually get picked up and put on the network, but if it does... first row, and a little to the left... you might be able to see the back of Russ's head.
"What about the prize for the rowdiest audience group?!?"
Oh right. Guess who won that. Everyone. Guess what the prize was. A piece of root beer flavored hard candy, and a free small McFlurry from McDonalds. While passing out the "prizes" the man kept saying, "The candy tastes like root beer." "The candy tastes like root beer." "The candy tastes like root beer." "The candy tastes like root beer."
"Hey man you're holding a fucking microphone. You could take 2 seconds, make an announcement and inform us all at the same time that the pieces of root beer flavored candy you're passing out, do in fact, taste like root beer."
What a day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ finds a place to live, and finds out that no, LA doesn't stand for "Life's Awesome!" Stay tuned.
2) "There's got to be some place I can go, earn a check, and forget the shape of your face."
"There's got to be some place I can go, earn a check, and forget the shape of your face."
-The Grisly Hand
...and so our story and Russ's journey begins. A short 3 and a half hour journey to St. Louis would seem like nothing compared to his trip across half the country, but it would at least be a start.
Russ had friends in St. Louis, good friends, best friends. It'd be nice to spend time with them before spending months apart from almost everyone he knew. Perhaps he would look for work there in St. Louis, maybe a place to live for the next few months. It made sense, Russ had to be in St. Louis in April for his friends wedding anyway... why not check some things out.
At this point you know though, Russ ends up in Los Angeles, so let's make this story short.
Russ had a feeling... Or at least a feeling that he would get a feeling when he arrived where he needed to be, and although the time spent with friends was great... Russ just wasn't feeling St. Louis, and neither was fate. Fate had told him twice in a row to start his journey by heading South, and so it needed to be.
Back on the road another 3 and a half hour journey back to Kansas City, Russ would spend another couple of days there hanging out with friends and family before caving into fate.
Much like the trip earlier in the week, another 3 and a half hours heading South out of Kansas City landed him in Wichita, KS. The next day another few hours would put him outside, the South side, of Oklahoma City. After a wrong turn he headed West ending a days journey about an hour from the Oklahoma/Texas stateline.
Constantly checking his map, he would decide to head to Roswell, NM. He felt drawn to it. Ah Roswell... would it be like he had seen it on the popular WB television series Roswell? No, not at all. Walmart, Applebees, McDonalds... Russ passed many corporately-run business before being in the heart of town, or what seemed like the heart of town. So many empty businesses and buildings...and no aliens disguised as humans. It was sad and this discouraged Russ, until he drove past the UFO Museum, excited until he found out they were closed, he'd have to come back in the morning.
For 5 dollars you can visit the Roswell, NM. UFO Museum. 5 dollars gets you into an old movie theater that now houses the museum... A museum thats filled with what almost seemed to be a 6 graders report on The Roswell Incident and UFOs... complete with posterboards with pictures of UFOs glued to them. Nothing you couldnt just find online.
There was nothing for him here, so after an oil change and a load of laundry Russ headed towards Las Vegas, but not before a nights rest in Holbrook AZ. One of the worst smelling places he'd ever been to.
You'd think that spending almost a week in Las Vegas would be expensive, and it can be if you're not careful. You'd also think that a hotel for 21$ a night would be sketchy as fuck, but you'd be surprised. This would be the nicest place Russ would stay in during his whole trip. Thanks to Expedia dot cooooom.
If you're gambling in a casino you can drink for free otherwise a 3.50$ gin and tonic back home is going to cost you 8-13$ in Vegas. Sometimes you learn these things the hard way... 3 drinks later wondering how your tab is almost thirty bucks.
Spending a few days in Vegas you're bound to make small talk with at least a few people. All of these people will tell you times are hard in Vegas.
"Blah blah blah, what about LA, what about the good stuff?"
What turned into his last night in Vegas, Russ spent his evening watching NBC's Comedy Night Done Right and surfing the Internet.
A few clicks would take him to UCB theatre's website. At that time the next night would be a comedy show starring Andrea Rosen... and Russ thought, she's attractive, she's funny... It's only a two hour drive to LA from here... Lets do it. He could come back to Vegas if need be.
Well it's not two hours to LA... It's 4... and Andrea Rosen's show wasn't in LA, but New York. God fucking dammit.
What a great way to start out his life in LA huh? This is where our story really gets good.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still to come... Does "LA" stand for "Life's Awesome?" Find out next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
-The Grisly Hand
...and so our story and Russ's journey begins. A short 3 and a half hour journey to St. Louis would seem like nothing compared to his trip across half the country, but it would at least be a start.
Russ had friends in St. Louis, good friends, best friends. It'd be nice to spend time with them before spending months apart from almost everyone he knew. Perhaps he would look for work there in St. Louis, maybe a place to live for the next few months. It made sense, Russ had to be in St. Louis in April for his friends wedding anyway... why not check some things out.
At this point you know though, Russ ends up in Los Angeles, so let's make this story short.
Russ had a feeling... Or at least a feeling that he would get a feeling when he arrived where he needed to be, and although the time spent with friends was great... Russ just wasn't feeling St. Louis, and neither was fate. Fate had told him twice in a row to start his journey by heading South, and so it needed to be.
Back on the road another 3 and a half hour journey back to Kansas City, Russ would spend another couple of days there hanging out with friends and family before caving into fate.
Much like the trip earlier in the week, another 3 and a half hours heading South out of Kansas City landed him in Wichita, KS. The next day another few hours would put him outside, the South side, of Oklahoma City. After a wrong turn he headed West ending a days journey about an hour from the Oklahoma/Texas stateline.
Constantly checking his map, he would decide to head to Roswell, NM. He felt drawn to it. Ah Roswell... would it be like he had seen it on the popular WB television series Roswell? No, not at all. Walmart, Applebees, McDonalds... Russ passed many corporately-run business before being in the heart of town, or what seemed like the heart of town. So many empty businesses and buildings...and no aliens disguised as humans. It was sad and this discouraged Russ, until he drove past the UFO Museum, excited until he found out they were closed, he'd have to come back in the morning.
For 5 dollars you can visit the Roswell, NM. UFO Museum. 5 dollars gets you into an old movie theater that now houses the museum... A museum thats filled with what almost seemed to be a 6 graders report on The Roswell Incident and UFOs... complete with posterboards with pictures of UFOs glued to them. Nothing you couldnt just find online.
There was nothing for him here, so after an oil change and a load of laundry Russ headed towards Las Vegas, but not before a nights rest in Holbrook AZ. One of the worst smelling places he'd ever been to.
You'd think that spending almost a week in Las Vegas would be expensive, and it can be if you're not careful. You'd also think that a hotel for 21$ a night would be sketchy as fuck, but you'd be surprised. This would be the nicest place Russ would stay in during his whole trip. Thanks to Expedia dot cooooom.
If you're gambling in a casino you can drink for free otherwise a 3.50$ gin and tonic back home is going to cost you 8-13$ in Vegas. Sometimes you learn these things the hard way... 3 drinks later wondering how your tab is almost thirty bucks.
Spending a few days in Vegas you're bound to make small talk with at least a few people. All of these people will tell you times are hard in Vegas.
"Blah blah blah, what about LA, what about the good stuff?"
What turned into his last night in Vegas, Russ spent his evening watching NBC's Comedy Night Done Right and surfing the Internet.
A few clicks would take him to UCB theatre's website. At that time the next night would be a comedy show starring Andrea Rosen... and Russ thought, she's attractive, she's funny... It's only a two hour drive to LA from here... Lets do it. He could come back to Vegas if need be.
Well it's not two hours to LA... It's 4... and Andrea Rosen's show wasn't in LA, but New York. God fucking dammit.
What a great way to start out his life in LA huh? This is where our story really gets good.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still to come... Does "LA" stand for "Life's Awesome?" Find out next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Monday, February 7, 2011
1) Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes"
"Things are going to get hard Russ."
"Thanks dad, that's exactly what I want to hear before leaving home."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So have you figured out where you're going yet?"
"No, I'm going to let fate decide."
"How are you going to do that?"
"I'll just spin something and whatever direction that lands, that'll be the direction I go."
"What? Really?"
"I don't know what else to do... I have to get out of here for awhile."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"One Twister board game, one United States map, and one 20 oz Dr. Pepper..."
"Yea."
"Your total comes to 30.37$."
"Okay... it's debit."
"Go ahead and swipe your card... ...alright here you go. Have a nice night."
"Thanks you too."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Alright this is it... time to let fate decide. Right hand blue... ok so that's East. East huh? Maybe I should go best two outta three... Ok left hand green... hmm South... ok... let's give it one more go. Left hand red... South again... alright South it is... let's do this."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An hour, and a bowl later...
"Fuck. Fuck. What am I doing? Leaving Kansas City at 10:00 at night? Leaving all of my friends? What the fuck am I doing? I don't know anyone South of here. I don't think I can do this. I can't do this. Oh god... oh god. What if something happens... a car accident or something... I'll have no one. Fuck this I'm turning around."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Russ?"
"Hey dad."
"What's going on? Is everything okay?
"Yea... I just... I decided to wait until tomorrow to leave Kansas City. I'm going to go to St Louis (East of Kansas City, where the Twister board of fate had told me to go) and hang out with Jared for a little while."
"Oh well that sounds like a good idea."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey I'm coming to STL for a few days."
"Sweet! When? Do you need a place to stay?"
"Later this evening... Well I don't wanna impose... I can always get a hotel."
"Well, let me talk to Kate about it, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't cool. I'll let you know for sure. One thing: Neither of us will be home tonight until after 8. What time do you think you'll get in?"
"4? 5 maybe..."
"Kate said she'd love to have you stay with us."
"Are you guys sure? Hate to just spring this on you."
"No, it's totally cool."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"St. Louis here I come."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes"
A week in St Louis, back to KC, then the real trip begins... Wichita KS, Oklahoma City, Roswell NM, Holbrook AZ, Las Vegas NV, and finally... LA... Does LA stand for "Life's Awesome?" Find out this and more next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
"Thanks dad, that's exactly what I want to hear before leaving home."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So have you figured out where you're going yet?"
"No, I'm going to let fate decide."
"How are you going to do that?"
"I'll just spin something and whatever direction that lands, that'll be the direction I go."
"What? Really?"
"I don't know what else to do... I have to get out of here for awhile."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"One Twister board game, one United States map, and one 20 oz Dr. Pepper..."
"Yea."
"Your total comes to 30.37$."
"Okay... it's debit."
"Go ahead and swipe your card... ...alright here you go. Have a nice night."
"Thanks you too."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Alright this is it... time to let fate decide. Right hand blue... ok so that's East. East huh? Maybe I should go best two outta three... Ok left hand green... hmm South... ok... let's give it one more go. Left hand red... South again... alright South it is... let's do this."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An hour, and a bowl later...
"Fuck. Fuck. What am I doing? Leaving Kansas City at 10:00 at night? Leaving all of my friends? What the fuck am I doing? I don't know anyone South of here. I don't think I can do this. I can't do this. Oh god... oh god. What if something happens... a car accident or something... I'll have no one. Fuck this I'm turning around."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Russ?"
"Hey dad."
"What's going on? Is everything okay?
"Yea... I just... I decided to wait until tomorrow to leave Kansas City. I'm going to go to St Louis (East of Kansas City, where the Twister board of fate had told me to go) and hang out with Jared for a little while."
"Oh well that sounds like a good idea."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey I'm coming to STL for a few days."
"Sweet! When? Do you need a place to stay?"
"Later this evening... Well I don't wanna impose... I can always get a hotel."
"Well, let me talk to Kate about it, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't cool. I'll let you know for sure. One thing: Neither of us will be home tonight until after 8. What time do you think you'll get in?"
"4? 5 maybe..."
"Kate said she'd love to have you stay with us."
"Are you guys sure? Hate to just spring this on you."
"No, it's totally cool."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"St. Louis here I come."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes"
A week in St Louis, back to KC, then the real trip begins... Wichita KS, Oklahoma City, Roswell NM, Holbrook AZ, Las Vegas NV, and finally... LA... Does LA stand for "Life's Awesome?" Find out this and more next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
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