Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
One night before leaving the local coffee shop Russ went to use the bathroom, one of the bathrooms was out of order, so he used the any sex? co ed? bathroom. You need a code to get in the bathroom, but he tried pulling on the door anyways. He got the code from an employee, and seeing that no one was in the bathroom... the lock was not engaged, or else it would have said "occupied" and instead said "vacant" ...Pretty simple right? To make things simpler, when it says "vacant" the background is green... signifying what? That's right, go. When the lock says "occupied" what color do you think the background is? That's correct, brown. Just kidding red. So, stop.
Russ has been in the bathroom many a times here in LA at the local coffee shops... and you don't know how many times Russ would be using the bathroom, with the door locked, and somebody would still try and enter the code, and pull the door open. Come on. Are people really that dumb? More on dumb people in a moment. Back to the story...
...Russ entered in the code, and opened the door... there standing with her pants down was an elderly lady.
"This is the woman's room."
It wasn't the woman's room... it was the any gender bathroom.
"Sorry sorry... sorry."
Russ shut the door quickly, and just decided to leave, scarred for life... that image now burned into his brain.
"Why didn't she lock the door? That bitch... and what was she doing with all those paper towels? Forget it Russ. Forget it."
Note: As I sit here and type this she's sitting five feet from me, she keeps looking over here.
Back to dumb people... Russ had a lot of free time on his hand and was going to a lot of comedy shows... he'd get there really early, usually the first in line right by the door, to get a good seat. As more and more people would show up, almost every time he went to show, someone would see this long line, come up to Russ, and ask.
"Is this the back of the line?"
Why would the line end at the entrance to the theatre?
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Russ has been locked out of the apartment on two occasions so far, and they probably won't be the last. The first night he got locked out, Russ had just finished his evening stroll, he went to get his bag out of his car, and headed to the front door of the apartment.
Like most apartment buzzer box things, you'd dial a code, and that would call the cellphone of whoever you're trying to get ahold of. Russ dialed The Actor's code, and the phone rang until finally The Actor's voice mail picked up. It won't let you leave a message. Russ wasn't too worried, it was pretty early in the evening, if The Actor didn't buzz him in, somebody would enter the apartment building sooner or later.
Russ heard someone walking up to the building.
"Yes!"
Russ turned around.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T KILL ME!! ...oh... hey."
It was The Drug Addict... looking terrible as always.
"Hey man."
"Hey... how long you been waiting out here?"
"Oh just a minute or two... "The Actor" won't pick up his phone."
"I hate when this shit happens. God dammit."
The Drug Addict repeatedly tried to get ahold of The Actor through the buzzer. No success.
"This is fucking bullshit!"
The Drug Addict was getting awfully angry. He'd only been outside for about a minute. The Drug Addict looked like being alive was causing him a lot of pain, he was all hunched over with his hands on his knees... then he sat down on the ground.
"I just went to the store to buy some fresh strawberries..."
Uh... what? Really? Russ looked down at the plastic grocery bag The Drug Addict had... yep... he had a small box of strawberries in there. Russ thought that was kind of odd, but maybe it's a drug addict thing... fresh strawberries... hm.
The Drug Addict kept trying The Actor over and over again. Russ just sat on the railing and waited. A few minutes later someone entered the apartment.
"Do you guys live here?"
The Drug Addict answered...
"Yea we're in in 302 with Byrone."
First rule about living with The Actor, don't advertise you're living with The Actor... you're on thin ice The Drug Addict, be careful.
Russ and The Drug Addict entered the building and went up to the apartment.
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The second time Russ got locked out of the apartment was last night, or when this post goes up, a few nights ago. Russ had gone to a show at the local comedy club that started at midnight.
Russ had been taking sleeping pills which were kind of helping him get some sleep at night. He'd usually try to take one late at night before getting back to the apartment, so by the time he got there the pill would start kicking in.
So, the show ended around 1:00 am, Russ took one of his pills... he had to take a piss, but figured he could wait until he go to the apartment. Twenty minutes later, Russ got to the building and tried getting ahold of The Actor on the buzzer. This time it went straight to The Actor's voice mail. Russ kept trying, but with no success.
At this point Russ really had to take a piss, and he was growing tired. Surely someone would enter the building and he could get in.
Another twenty minutes passed, Russ kept trying to buzzer, and then decided to text one of his room mates, The Drug Dealer... the only phone number he had from anyone in the apartment.
Oh wait that's right, The Drug Dealer went to work at 1am, and who knows when he'd be home. Russ really had to piss... he was tempted to go somewhere and relieve himself, but he was afraid while he did so, he'd miss his chance at getting into the building.
At this point Russ had been stuck outside the building for 45 minutes, before someone let him in. Russ got up to the apartment, took a piss, and laid down. By the time he'd get to sleep, he'd be awoken a short time later, by kids screaming and running around the apartment. He'd lay there for two hours, not sleeping, but just laying there before The Actor took The Four Kids to church. Thank god... some peace and quiet. Russ got up, and started his day.
Russ found out that morning, that when The Drug Dealer got home early that morning, he was stuck outside for almost two hours before getting inside... he even tried texting/calling Russ a couple times.
"Not my problem brah."
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ makes a friend, and helps out a stranger... but just for a little bit.
A young boy blossoms into a man, in this incredible true story about love, friendship, heartache, and betrayal.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
13) The Prodigious Adventures of The Prophet Pheaturing Russ!
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
One of the nights after The Prophet moved in, Russ was laying in bed when The Actor and The Prophet struck up a conversation. The Prophet was explaining his "template" ...basically his idea for his talk show and his DVD series to The Actor. The Prophet said what he still needed to accomplish in order to finish his vision. The Actor explained that Russ did videography, and maybe they could help each other out. The Prophet talked more about a videography crew and then asked...
"That sounds good, what do you think Russ?"
Russ had been laying there listening to them, he had his eyes closed, and his headphones in, but he could still hear them talking. Instead of answering The Prophet, Russ rolled over, and let out a snoring type of noise, pretending to not hear them. They went on with the conversation. Russ might of gotten out of it tonight, but he wasn't going to be able to avoid helping The Prophet out forever...
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Previouslyer on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Late one night, while The Prophet and Russ were laying in their beds, in the dark, The Prophet got up, went to the fridge and took something out. He turned on the light, approached Russ, and handed him the item, a cookie.
"Here man, I'm not going to eat this, take it."
"Uh... okay... thanks."
It was a Snickerdoodle cookie... Russ likes those... he ate it.
"That's right Prophet, if you wish to bother me during my slumber you better provide me with edible gifts. On your way now, shoo, go on, get."
The next day Russ came home to make a sandwich, right as he gets in the kitchen, before he can pull bread out of the cabinet, The Prophet comes in.
"Oh hold on Russ, got something for you..."
The Prophet opens the fridge and pulls out a sandwich.
"Here man I don't like to waste food, I already ate, take this."
How did he know Russ was about to make a sandwich? Surely God didn't send The Prophet a vision of Russ coming home and making a sandwich, but who knows.
"Uh... are you sure...?"
"Yea go ahead, if you don't want it, you can give it to "The Drug Dealer" ...it's up to you."
Russ thought to himself...
"Fuck The Drug Dealer... this is mine."
Russ ate the roast beef sandwich... it was pretty good. Could have used some mayo.
"Hey Prophet... I hope you've had a vision about this, because this food you've given me doesn't count as payment for anything... this is just you giving me food. I hope you know that."
Russ hoped that The Prophet wasn't slowly trying to poison him... because the next day Russ started to feel a bit under the weather.
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Episode recap:
"Meet the room mates... Pt. 4 - The Prophet"
The Prophet moved into the apartment, and tries to enlist Russ's help in his vision. The Prophet needs a videography crew, and perhaps Russ is the man for the job. The Prophet insists that they can help each other in big ways. Russ tries to avoid the situation by telling The Prophet they need a permit to do any kind of filming on the street of LA.
Our story continues...
The day after Russ told The Prophet about getting a permit, Russ came home, and The Prophet approached him.
"So what's your day like tomorrow man? You wanna go shoot?"
"You found out about the permits?"
"Oh shoot... shoot... I forgot... ok... I'll find out about those tomorrow."
Russ was spared for another day!
"Actually let me call and find out now."
Fuck!
The Prophet went ahead and called City Hall or some place, who then referred him to "Film LA" ...the company that takes care of all the permit work. The Prophet got ahold of someone and explained his situation.
"...now this isn't some sort of major motion picture this is me, and my friend following me around with his... 'Hey Russ, what kind of camera do you have?'"
"Uh it's a Sony HD DV camera."
"He's got a Sony DVD camera."
"DV."
"Oh a Sony DV camera... uh huh ok..."
The Prophet got up and walked over to Russ's bed and put his phone on speaker. The man on the line said...
"As long as you're not shooting for commercial purposes, and it really is just you, and one other person you don't need a permit. You can't have anyone dressed as cop, no fake weapons, you can't block traffic..."
He went on to list the rules one needed to follow.
"...and if you get stopped by the police, or a shop owner, explain that you're shooting for non-commercial purposes, and you'll be fine."
God dammit. Russ couldn't avoid the situation any longer. The Prophet finished his conversation with the man, and had the biggest smile on his face. He was excited.
"So Russ, what's your schedule like next week."
Russ told him that Tuesday through Thursday before 5 would work, but then The Prophet decided he wanted to shoot on Saturday, he'd have a friend come set up some DJ equipment, and they'd film The Prophet doing live interviews on the street.
"So Russ, what's your camera record onto? DVD's?"
"DV's. Mini DV's... Not DVD's... small tapes."
"Get this DVD shit outta your head man, oh, and don't refer to me as your friend to anyone else... got it? GOT IT? We are temporary room mates... and that's it. When I'm outta LA all you are to me is a bad memory."
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ keeps getting locked out of the apartment... oh noes!!! You won't want to miss this one, but if you do that's okay. Stick around.
One of the nights after The Prophet moved in, Russ was laying in bed when The Actor and The Prophet struck up a conversation. The Prophet was explaining his "template" ...basically his idea for his talk show and his DVD series to The Actor. The Prophet said what he still needed to accomplish in order to finish his vision. The Actor explained that Russ did videography, and maybe they could help each other out. The Prophet talked more about a videography crew and then asked...
"That sounds good, what do you think Russ?"
Russ had been laying there listening to them, he had his eyes closed, and his headphones in, but he could still hear them talking. Instead of answering The Prophet, Russ rolled over, and let out a snoring type of noise, pretending to not hear them. They went on with the conversation. Russ might of gotten out of it tonight, but he wasn't going to be able to avoid helping The Prophet out forever...
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Previouslyer on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Late one night, while The Prophet and Russ were laying in their beds, in the dark, The Prophet got up, went to the fridge and took something out. He turned on the light, approached Russ, and handed him the item, a cookie.
"Here man, I'm not going to eat this, take it."
"Uh... okay... thanks."
It was a Snickerdoodle cookie... Russ likes those... he ate it.
"That's right Prophet, if you wish to bother me during my slumber you better provide me with edible gifts. On your way now, shoo, go on, get."
The next day Russ came home to make a sandwich, right as he gets in the kitchen, before he can pull bread out of the cabinet, The Prophet comes in.
"Oh hold on Russ, got something for you..."
The Prophet opens the fridge and pulls out a sandwich.
"Here man I don't like to waste food, I already ate, take this."
How did he know Russ was about to make a sandwich? Surely God didn't send The Prophet a vision of Russ coming home and making a sandwich, but who knows.
"Uh... are you sure...?"
"Yea go ahead, if you don't want it, you can give it to "The Drug Dealer" ...it's up to you."
Russ thought to himself...
"Fuck The Drug Dealer... this is mine."
Russ ate the roast beef sandwich... it was pretty good. Could have used some mayo.
"Hey Prophet... I hope you've had a vision about this, because this food you've given me doesn't count as payment for anything... this is just you giving me food. I hope you know that."
Russ hoped that The Prophet wasn't slowly trying to poison him... because the next day Russ started to feel a bit under the weather.
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Episode recap:
"Meet the room mates... Pt. 4 - The Prophet"
The Prophet moved into the apartment, and tries to enlist Russ's help in his vision. The Prophet needs a videography crew, and perhaps Russ is the man for the job. The Prophet insists that they can help each other in big ways. Russ tries to avoid the situation by telling The Prophet they need a permit to do any kind of filming on the street of LA.
Our story continues...
The day after Russ told The Prophet about getting a permit, Russ came home, and The Prophet approached him.
"So what's your day like tomorrow man? You wanna go shoot?"
"You found out about the permits?"
"Oh shoot... shoot... I forgot... ok... I'll find out about those tomorrow."
Russ was spared for another day!
"Actually let me call and find out now."
Fuck!
The Prophet went ahead and called City Hall or some place, who then referred him to "Film LA" ...the company that takes care of all the permit work. The Prophet got ahold of someone and explained his situation.
"...now this isn't some sort of major motion picture this is me, and my friend following me around with his... 'Hey Russ, what kind of camera do you have?'"
"Uh it's a Sony HD DV camera."
"He's got a Sony DVD camera."
"DV."
"Oh a Sony DV camera... uh huh ok..."
The Prophet got up and walked over to Russ's bed and put his phone on speaker. The man on the line said...
"As long as you're not shooting for commercial purposes, and it really is just you, and one other person you don't need a permit. You can't have anyone dressed as cop, no fake weapons, you can't block traffic..."
He went on to list the rules one needed to follow.
"...and if you get stopped by the police, or a shop owner, explain that you're shooting for non-commercial purposes, and you'll be fine."
God dammit. Russ couldn't avoid the situation any longer. The Prophet finished his conversation with the man, and had the biggest smile on his face. He was excited.
"So Russ, what's your schedule like next week."
Russ told him that Tuesday through Thursday before 5 would work, but then The Prophet decided he wanted to shoot on Saturday, he'd have a friend come set up some DJ equipment, and they'd film The Prophet doing live interviews on the street.
"So Russ, what's your camera record onto? DVD's?"
"DV's. Mini DV's... Not DVD's... small tapes."
"Get this DVD shit outta your head man, oh, and don't refer to me as your friend to anyone else... got it? GOT IT? We are temporary room mates... and that's it. When I'm outta LA all you are to me is a bad memory."
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ keeps getting locked out of the apartment... oh noes!!! You won't want to miss this one, but if you do that's okay. Stick around.
Monday, February 14, 2011
12) What doesn't kill Russ, makes Russ stronger... continued...
Dear readers... the four of you...
Make sure you're caught up... make sure you've read "What doesn't kill Russ, makes Russ stronger" before continuing on. Enjoy.
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Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
There was one night when The Drug Addict was really sick. He threw up so much, and it was so loud. Everyone in the apartment heard him.
The next night The Actor confronted The Drug Dealer about it, seeing as how The Drug Dealer and The Drug Addict spent so much time together.
"Yo man, what's up with "The Drug Addict"?
"Uh what do you mean?"
"He's been puking a lot."
"Oh yea..."
"Not just last night, but a lot over the past couple weeks... what's going on?"
"Oh... his stomach just hasn't been agreeing with him I guess."
"Uh huh."
Russ was pretty sure The Actor must suspect something... he had to right? One of your room mates looks like death, throws up all the fucking time, and hides out in his room all day... come on.
It didn't matter too much though, The Drug Dealer was planning on moving out soon, his girlfriend would be in town in a few days, and they'd move in together. The Drug Dealer offered to let The Drug Addict stay with him, but he had to be clean... pretty sure they're both not clean... that's going to be a great situation huh? Soon Russ would have two less room mates... that sounded good... but who knows who would move in... could it get any crazier? Only time will tell.
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Previouslyer on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Later that evening Russ went for a long walk. Walking down Hollywood Blvd, outside of some night club, Russ saw her, and she was beautiful. He slowed down his walking, and couldn't help but stare at her. He approached her. He had no choice, he was just drawn to her.
Our story continues...
Oh the way she smelled... she smelled... delicious. Russ approached, her, the gyro truck. Russ hadn't had a gyro in so long. This gyro truck was fancy too... it had it's own Twitter and Facebook page, but... wait... these weren't traditional gyros... they didn't have lamb, and some of the toppings included yogurt... no this wouldn't do, this wouldn't do at all... and like most gyro trucks they took cash only, and Russ didn't have any cash on him... it's fine... more than likely the gyro wouldn't be as good as the gyro's from Kansas City anyways, so Russ pressed onwards.
...but oh... the gyros from Kansas City. Russ couldn't get the thought of gyros off his mind. That beautiful beautiful truck. Russ was starving. He honestly thought to himself...
"If I leave right now, RIGHT now, I'm positive I could make it to the gyro truck before they close tomorrow night... fuuuuck!"
Russ was tempted, but continued his walk down Hollywood Blvd and came across a small pizza shop, that also sold sandwiches... and what's this gyros?!? What's this they take cards?
Russ couldn't help himself, he went in an ordered a gyro. While delicious, it just wasn't as good as the gyro truck... they never were. What was so different about that gyro truck? What made those gyros so delicious? Who knows.
Russ finished his gyro and went home. He had started to feel much better than earlier in the morning. He was definitely getting rid of the cold he had. He'd wake up the next morning and be almost 100% better.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
The Prodigious Adventures of The Prophet Pheaturing Russ! The Prophet and Russ team up! Stick around...
Make sure you're caught up... make sure you've read "What doesn't kill Russ, makes Russ stronger" before continuing on. Enjoy.
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Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
There was one night when The Drug Addict was really sick. He threw up so much, and it was so loud. Everyone in the apartment heard him.
The next night The Actor confronted The Drug Dealer about it, seeing as how The Drug Dealer and The Drug Addict spent so much time together.
"Yo man, what's up with "The Drug Addict"?
"Uh what do you mean?"
"He's been puking a lot."
"Oh yea..."
"Not just last night, but a lot over the past couple weeks... what's going on?"
"Oh... his stomach just hasn't been agreeing with him I guess."
"Uh huh."
Russ was pretty sure The Actor must suspect something... he had to right? One of your room mates looks like death, throws up all the fucking time, and hides out in his room all day... come on.
It didn't matter too much though, The Drug Dealer was planning on moving out soon, his girlfriend would be in town in a few days, and they'd move in together. The Drug Dealer offered to let The Drug Addict stay with him, but he had to be clean... pretty sure they're both not clean... that's going to be a great situation huh? Soon Russ would have two less room mates... that sounded good... but who knows who would move in... could it get any crazier? Only time will tell.
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Previouslyer on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Later that evening Russ went for a long walk. Walking down Hollywood Blvd, outside of some night club, Russ saw her, and she was beautiful. He slowed down his walking, and couldn't help but stare at her. He approached her. He had no choice, he was just drawn to her.
Our story continues...
Oh the way she smelled... she smelled... delicious. Russ approached, her, the gyro truck. Russ hadn't had a gyro in so long. This gyro truck was fancy too... it had it's own Twitter and Facebook page, but... wait... these weren't traditional gyros... they didn't have lamb, and some of the toppings included yogurt... no this wouldn't do, this wouldn't do at all... and like most gyro trucks they took cash only, and Russ didn't have any cash on him... it's fine... more than likely the gyro wouldn't be as good as the gyro's from Kansas City anyways, so Russ pressed onwards.
...but oh... the gyros from Kansas City. Russ couldn't get the thought of gyros off his mind. That beautiful beautiful truck. Russ was starving. He honestly thought to himself...
"If I leave right now, RIGHT now, I'm positive I could make it to the gyro truck before they close tomorrow night... fuuuuck!"
Russ was tempted, but continued his walk down Hollywood Blvd and came across a small pizza shop, that also sold sandwiches... and what's this gyros?!? What's this they take cards?
Russ couldn't help himself, he went in an ordered a gyro. While delicious, it just wasn't as good as the gyro truck... they never were. What was so different about that gyro truck? What made those gyros so delicious? Who knows.
Russ finished his gyro and went home. He had started to feel much better than earlier in the morning. He was definitely getting rid of the cold he had. He'd wake up the next morning and be almost 100% better.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
The Prodigious Adventures of The Prophet Pheaturing Russ! The Prophet and Russ team up! Stick around...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
11) What doesn't kill Russ, makes Russ stronger.
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Yesterday Russ spent his morning doing laundry. When he ran out to his car to grab a few things he saw The Actor, and The Baby Mama walking up the street. Russ couldn't really tell what was going on down the street, it looked like The Actor was kind of pulling The Baby Mama along, like she didn't really want to be walking with him. Russ hurried, grabbed his things, and went inside. After starting laundry he went back up to the apartment to lay down, he wasn't feeling to well. When he walked in The Actor and The Baby Mama had already made it inside, and they were standing in the door way, well one of them was.
The Baby Mama was incredibly wasted. The Actor was trying to get her shoes off, and take her into their bedroom. She had fallen over. Russ could tell that The Actor was incredibly frustrated, but was trying to keep his cool. Russ just got in bed and laid there... pretending not to know what was going on, and 10-15 minutes later they had made it into the back bedroom.
The Prophet was laying in bed too, and made a joke about The Baby Mama having too much to drink.
Later that evening, Russ came to the apartment wanting to try and get to bed early hoping some rest would help him shake the cold or whatever he had. The Actor, and 3 of the kids were all eating dinner. A few minutes later The Prophet got home, and talked about his day, then asked...
"Hey Gus, how was your day."
"Fine. Russ."
"Oh Russ, Russ I'm sorry, just got off work, I'm sorry, my minds all scattered, I'm tired."
"Yea."
The Prophet went on to ask The Actor...
"Hey so how's "The Baby Mama" feeling?"
"Man she's... She needs to stop drinking. She needs to stop drinking... she just... man... she needs to stop drinking."
The next day, Russ found out from The Drug Dealer, who's lived in the apartment for almost 3 months, that The Actor and The Baby Mama had gotten into a huge fight when Russ and The Prophet had been out of the apartment. He said it sounded like The Actor had been throwing things against the wall. He wasn't sure what it was about until Russ informed him what had happened the previous morning.
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After being hit with parking tickets, failing at being places on time, and just being worn out by his whole living situation, Russ felt defeated and broken down. Awakened by people talking... loudly, Russ checked what time it was...
"8am?! Fuuuuuck."
Russ had maybe gotten a couple hours of sleep, he was constantly tossing and turning, being woken up be people coming and going at all hours... it was not a good situation.
The Drug Dealer is planning to move out of the apartment soon, and is paying to stay in the apartment daily. The Actor, apparently strapped for cash decided to wake up The Drug Dealer to collect his rent.
"Hey I don't mind you wanting your money, but you're waking me up kinda early you know man?"
The Drug Dealer scrounged up some cash, paid the Actor and got back in bed. Russ thought he could probably get a couple more hours of sleep in before getting up.
"Yo Russ man, can I use your laptop to edit my trailer?"
Russ laid there for a moment. Russ is not a morning person. Not at all. Who likes waking up? Not Russ. If you want to be on Russ's bad side go ahead and wake him up one morning.
"Uh.................... (a long pause)........................ yea."
"Cool just boot it up and log in for me."
Russ took his laptop out of his bag, and turned it on.
"Here man I made you a folder, just drag whatever you're using into there."
"Oh I'm just going to connect my... my...
He makes a box motion.
"...my computer mind."
"Hard drive?"
"Yea it's like that... and I'll just drag that into iMovie."
"Oh... well... if you could just drag your stuff into this folder I like to keep everything organized..."
"I learned how to do it just by dragging my stuff into iMovie, so that's how I'd like to do it."
"This is the same thing pretty much, just drag it here first, and then into iMovie, just so I know where everything is..."
"You see man if I drag them straight into iMovie it's easier for me..."
"Yea but, this is easy too... you just..."
"I mean, I just drag them into iMovie and start working, and boom, they're there, and I'm working, I know where everything is, and-"
"Fine fine fine... do whatever."
Russ shoved the laptop into The Actor's hands and laid back down.
"I'm leaving here around 10:30 or 11:00 so I need it back by then."
"Ok thanks man, I appreciate it."
Russ was pissed off at this point, he wasn't going to get back to sleep, he pulled out his phone and logged onto Facebook. He's done this before, when he's been angry, or really depressed, he'll post a status update reflecting his attitude. Much like a drunk dial... you regret doing this an hour or so later... a... an... Uprage (update + rage... get it?!) if you will. He updates his status... heck let's try out our new word. Russ uprages.
"LA, and my living situation make me want to die. Maybe i'll get hit by a car today... that'd be nice." He took the update down a little later, after getting a lot of positive responses from friends. Thanks guys.
Almost an hour later The Actor came out and handed the laptop back to Russ.
"Here you go man, there wasn't enough space on your computer."
"How big are the files... you just want to make a two minute trailer... they shouldn't be that big."
"Well you only got about 50 g's in there."
"Yea, but 50 gigs is a lot of space..."
"Gigs?"
Who knows why Russ kept the conversation going... without much sleep he was kinda out of it.
"Uh... there's like a third of the hard drive still free... are your videos really that big?"
"I dunno man... I guess so."
"Oh well sorry man."
"It's cool, it's cool."
The Actor went back into his room. Russ then wondered why it had taken him almost an hour to figure out that there wasn't enough space on his computer...
Russ got up, got ready and left the apartment. He checked his email on his phone. The friend who had given him the ticket to the E! pilot taping, had emailed him.
"Hey I saw your Facebook post, you want to come hang out with me while I write?"
Russ replied.
"I'd really appreciate that man, i'll come hang out for a little while. Thanks."
His friend replied letting him know where he was, and Russ headed to meet him.
Thirty minutes later, Russ arrived to meet his friend, and couldn't find him. Russ looked around a bit, and then called his friend. No answer. Russ emailed his friend letting him know he was there. Russ waited around for about 15 minutes then decided to just head to a coffee shop. Later Russ received an email from his friend saying he had to go back home.
"Great. Thanks man. What a fantastic day."
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Late that night Russ felt something coming over him... suddenly he had a cough.
"Fuck... I'm getting sick."
Russ remembered something, this last weekend when The Four Kids were around, he remembered them staying away from one of the kids because the kid could be sick. Had Russ caught something from the kid? Perhaps he caught something at one of the many coffee shops he frequents? He was usually really good at tracking down how he got sick. He usually has hand sanitizer on his person, and washes his hands frequently throughout the day. He tries to be careful about what he touches... Anyways, he knew he needed to get a good nights rest so he decided to take some sleeping pills, something he had been wary of in the past, but living in this new environment he was having a lot of trouble sleeping, and was desperate.
Russ woke up the next morning and felt worse, he wasn't fully sick, but he felt like if he didn't nip this thing in the bud, he would die. Well he wouldn't die, but it felt like it could be bad. He was kind of weak, and was either too hot, or too cold. He also looked like shit... he hadn't shaved in weeks, his hair was all messed up, had bags under his eyes... he always felt like he looked worse when he was sick.
He didn't have the option of staying home and trying to sleep it off during the day, not with people coming and going, watching TV loudly, or speaking with outside voices... inside. Honestly, these people talk so loud... loudly? Russ just continued on like he did everyday.
Drinking plenty of fluids, and trying to take it easy, the sickness would hit him in waves. He'd feel fine for awhile, but then feel week all of a sudden. Later during the day he went back to the apartment to eat and maybe lay down for a bit. After eating, Russ sat on his bed. The Drug Dealer had been sleeping, and rolled over looking at Russ.
"I feel like shit."
"That sucks man."
The Drug Dealer did not look well, and Russ didn't want to tell him that he wasn't feeling well either. Although Russ seemed to be doing a lot better at battling whatever this was than The Drug Dealer.
"Feel better man."
Russ got up and left the apartment, and continued on his day.
Later that evening Russ went for a long walk. Walking down Hollywood Blvd, outside of some night club, Russ saw her, and she was beautiful. He slowed down his walking, and couldn't help but stare at her. He decided to approach her. He had no choice, he was just drawn to her.
To be continued.....
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
What's this? Has Russ found love? Stay tuned...
Yesterday Russ spent his morning doing laundry. When he ran out to his car to grab a few things he saw The Actor, and The Baby Mama walking up the street. Russ couldn't really tell what was going on down the street, it looked like The Actor was kind of pulling The Baby Mama along, like she didn't really want to be walking with him. Russ hurried, grabbed his things, and went inside. After starting laundry he went back up to the apartment to lay down, he wasn't feeling to well. When he walked in The Actor and The Baby Mama had already made it inside, and they were standing in the door way, well one of them was.
The Baby Mama was incredibly wasted. The Actor was trying to get her shoes off, and take her into their bedroom. She had fallen over. Russ could tell that The Actor was incredibly frustrated, but was trying to keep his cool. Russ just got in bed and laid there... pretending not to know what was going on, and 10-15 minutes later they had made it into the back bedroom.
The Prophet was laying in bed too, and made a joke about The Baby Mama having too much to drink.
Later that evening, Russ came to the apartment wanting to try and get to bed early hoping some rest would help him shake the cold or whatever he had. The Actor, and 3 of the kids were all eating dinner. A few minutes later The Prophet got home, and talked about his day, then asked...
"Hey Gus, how was your day."
"Fine. Russ."
"Oh Russ, Russ I'm sorry, just got off work, I'm sorry, my minds all scattered, I'm tired."
"Yea."
The Prophet went on to ask The Actor...
"Hey so how's "The Baby Mama" feeling?"
"Man she's... She needs to stop drinking. She needs to stop drinking... she just... man... she needs to stop drinking."
The next day, Russ found out from The Drug Dealer, who's lived in the apartment for almost 3 months, that The Actor and The Baby Mama had gotten into a huge fight when Russ and The Prophet had been out of the apartment. He said it sounded like The Actor had been throwing things against the wall. He wasn't sure what it was about until Russ informed him what had happened the previous morning.
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After being hit with parking tickets, failing at being places on time, and just being worn out by his whole living situation, Russ felt defeated and broken down. Awakened by people talking... loudly, Russ checked what time it was...
"8am?! Fuuuuuck."
Russ had maybe gotten a couple hours of sleep, he was constantly tossing and turning, being woken up be people coming and going at all hours... it was not a good situation.
The Drug Dealer is planning to move out of the apartment soon, and is paying to stay in the apartment daily. The Actor, apparently strapped for cash decided to wake up The Drug Dealer to collect his rent.
"Hey I don't mind you wanting your money, but you're waking me up kinda early you know man?"
The Drug Dealer scrounged up some cash, paid the Actor and got back in bed. Russ thought he could probably get a couple more hours of sleep in before getting up.
"Yo Russ man, can I use your laptop to edit my trailer?"
Russ laid there for a moment. Russ is not a morning person. Not at all. Who likes waking up? Not Russ. If you want to be on Russ's bad side go ahead and wake him up one morning.
"Uh.................... (a long pause)........................ yea."
"Cool just boot it up and log in for me."
Russ took his laptop out of his bag, and turned it on.
"Here man I made you a folder, just drag whatever you're using into there."
"Oh I'm just going to connect my... my...
He makes a box motion.
"...my computer mind."
"Hard drive?"
"Yea it's like that... and I'll just drag that into iMovie."
"Oh... well... if you could just drag your stuff into this folder I like to keep everything organized..."
"I learned how to do it just by dragging my stuff into iMovie, so that's how I'd like to do it."
"This is the same thing pretty much, just drag it here first, and then into iMovie, just so I know where everything is..."
"You see man if I drag them straight into iMovie it's easier for me..."
"Yea but, this is easy too... you just..."
"I mean, I just drag them into iMovie and start working, and boom, they're there, and I'm working, I know where everything is, and-"
"Fine fine fine... do whatever."
Russ shoved the laptop into The Actor's hands and laid back down.
"I'm leaving here around 10:30 or 11:00 so I need it back by then."
"Ok thanks man, I appreciate it."
Russ was pissed off at this point, he wasn't going to get back to sleep, he pulled out his phone and logged onto Facebook. He's done this before, when he's been angry, or really depressed, he'll post a status update reflecting his attitude. Much like a drunk dial... you regret doing this an hour or so later... a... an... Uprage (update + rage... get it?!) if you will. He updates his status... heck let's try out our new word. Russ uprages.
"LA, and my living situation make me want to die. Maybe i'll get hit by a car today... that'd be nice." He took the update down a little later, after getting a lot of positive responses from friends. Thanks guys.
Almost an hour later The Actor came out and handed the laptop back to Russ.
"Here you go man, there wasn't enough space on your computer."
"How big are the files... you just want to make a two minute trailer... they shouldn't be that big."
"Well you only got about 50 g's in there."
"Yea, but 50 gigs is a lot of space..."
"Gigs?"
Who knows why Russ kept the conversation going... without much sleep he was kinda out of it.
"Uh... there's like a third of the hard drive still free... are your videos really that big?"
"I dunno man... I guess so."
"Oh well sorry man."
"It's cool, it's cool."
The Actor went back into his room. Russ then wondered why it had taken him almost an hour to figure out that there wasn't enough space on his computer...
Russ got up, got ready and left the apartment. He checked his email on his phone. The friend who had given him the ticket to the E! pilot taping, had emailed him.
"Hey I saw your Facebook post, you want to come hang out with me while I write?"
Russ replied.
"I'd really appreciate that man, i'll come hang out for a little while. Thanks."
His friend replied letting him know where he was, and Russ headed to meet him.
Thirty minutes later, Russ arrived to meet his friend, and couldn't find him. Russ looked around a bit, and then called his friend. No answer. Russ emailed his friend letting him know he was there. Russ waited around for about 15 minutes then decided to just head to a coffee shop. Later Russ received an email from his friend saying he had to go back home.
"Great. Thanks man. What a fantastic day."
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Late that night Russ felt something coming over him... suddenly he had a cough.
"Fuck... I'm getting sick."
Russ remembered something, this last weekend when The Four Kids were around, he remembered them staying away from one of the kids because the kid could be sick. Had Russ caught something from the kid? Perhaps he caught something at one of the many coffee shops he frequents? He was usually really good at tracking down how he got sick. He usually has hand sanitizer on his person, and washes his hands frequently throughout the day. He tries to be careful about what he touches... Anyways, he knew he needed to get a good nights rest so he decided to take some sleeping pills, something he had been wary of in the past, but living in this new environment he was having a lot of trouble sleeping, and was desperate.
Russ woke up the next morning and felt worse, he wasn't fully sick, but he felt like if he didn't nip this thing in the bud, he would die. Well he wouldn't die, but it felt like it could be bad. He was kind of weak, and was either too hot, or too cold. He also looked like shit... he hadn't shaved in weeks, his hair was all messed up, had bags under his eyes... he always felt like he looked worse when he was sick.
He didn't have the option of staying home and trying to sleep it off during the day, not with people coming and going, watching TV loudly, or speaking with outside voices... inside. Honestly, these people talk so loud... loudly? Russ just continued on like he did everyday.
Drinking plenty of fluids, and trying to take it easy, the sickness would hit him in waves. He'd feel fine for awhile, but then feel week all of a sudden. Later during the day he went back to the apartment to eat and maybe lay down for a bit. After eating, Russ sat on his bed. The Drug Dealer had been sleeping, and rolled over looking at Russ.
"I feel like shit."
"That sucks man."
The Drug Dealer did not look well, and Russ didn't want to tell him that he wasn't feeling well either. Although Russ seemed to be doing a lot better at battling whatever this was than The Drug Dealer.
"Feel better man."
Russ got up and left the apartment, and continued on his day.
Later that evening Russ went for a long walk. Walking down Hollywood Blvd, outside of some night club, Russ saw her, and she was beautiful. He slowed down his walking, and couldn't help but stare at her. He decided to approach her. He had no choice, he was just drawn to her.
To be continued.....
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
What's this? Has Russ found love? Stay tuned...
10) 8 Simple Rules for Living in my Shitty Apartment
Here's a deleted scene from "Lemme ask you this, Do you believe Jesus is the son of God?"
When Russ paid for his two months rent he was informed of the short list of rules he needed to follow if he wanted to live in the apartment.
The first rule of living with The Actor...
-Don't advertise that you are living with The Actor
Whoops... Russ broke that rule before even moving in. After getting off the phone with The Actor Russ sent out a mass text informing people he may be living with T.K. from "The Parent'Hood."
-Don't drink, smoke, or curse in the apartment.
If The Actor only knew what was actually going on in the apartment. Russ was pretty sure a couple of his room mates were shooting up something in the bathroom throughout the day/night.
-Take your shoes off in the apartment.
"See how these parts of the carpet by your bed are pretty clean?"
The carpet's "pretty" dirty. The Actor said he's rent a Rug Doctor sometime and clean the carpet. He doesn't want us tracking in dirt... (I might actually have to take a picture of the carpet he doesn't want us dirtying up... it's filthy.)
-Don't sleep nude, or in your underwear.
The apartment is soooo fucking hot. Russ could either lay in shorts and a shirt on top of his sleeping bag, or... break the rules, just wear boxers and a shirt, and sleep inside his sleeping bag. Either way he sweats his balls off. It's lose lose. One night Russ even tried sleeping in his car it was so hot.
-After taking a shower, don't come out of the bathroom nude, or in your underwear.
Russ thought this was a pretty obvious rule. There wasn't anything he wanted to show the four other guys, the lesbian, or the four kids in the apartment.
-Don't sit in or use The Actor's office space.
Fine. You don't have internet on that computer anyways.
-Don't go in The Actor's room.
Fine. I bet it's hot as fuck in there anyways.
-Clean up after yourself.
Fuck you.
When Russ paid for his two months rent he was informed of the short list of rules he needed to follow if he wanted to live in the apartment.
The first rule of living with The Actor...
-Don't advertise that you are living with The Actor
Whoops... Russ broke that rule before even moving in. After getting off the phone with The Actor Russ sent out a mass text informing people he may be living with T.K. from "The Parent'Hood."
-Don't drink, smoke, or curse in the apartment.
If The Actor only knew what was actually going on in the apartment. Russ was pretty sure a couple of his room mates were shooting up something in the bathroom throughout the day/night.
-Take your shoes off in the apartment.
"See how these parts of the carpet by your bed are pretty clean?"
The carpet's "pretty" dirty. The Actor said he's rent a Rug Doctor sometime and clean the carpet. He doesn't want us tracking in dirt... (I might actually have to take a picture of the carpet he doesn't want us dirtying up... it's filthy.)
-Don't sleep nude, or in your underwear.
The apartment is soooo fucking hot. Russ could either lay in shorts and a shirt on top of his sleeping bag, or... break the rules, just wear boxers and a shirt, and sleep inside his sleeping bag. Either way he sweats his balls off. It's lose lose. One night Russ even tried sleeping in his car it was so hot.
-After taking a shower, don't come out of the bathroom nude, or in your underwear.
Russ thought this was a pretty obvious rule. There wasn't anything he wanted to show the four other guys, the lesbian, or the four kids in the apartment.
-Don't sit in or use The Actor's office space.
Fine. You don't have internet on that computer anyways.
-Don't go in The Actor's room.
Fine. I bet it's hot as fuck in there anyways.
-Clean up after yourself.
Fuck you.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
9) The Price is Fail!
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
The Drug Dealer lost a sack of wizard. Maybe you shouldn't weigh your drugs out in the stairwell of the apartment complex, trying to hide from the rest of your room mates... further more, if you need to run inside the apartment really quick to grab something, maybe you shouldn't leave your drugs out where someone could find them, because when you get back... they could be gone... like they were when you got back. Now you're out a couple hundies bro. Nice work.
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If you're in LA, why not sign up to try and be on some game shows? Russ did. He signed up to try and be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, and also signed up, and received a ticket to be in the audience of The Price is Right.
If you ever have a ticket to be an audience member on The Price is Right... here are surefire ways you'll fuck it up, and not make it on time.
Despite what the ticket says about the line starting at 6am, sleep in instead, wake up around 9, shower, then smoke a bunch of wizard, next instead of going straight to the studio, go to Starbucks for an hour. Now, at this point check in starts at 12:30, you've got half an hour to get there. Now is the time to read all of the 3 page ticket you printed out.
What's this? Check in is actually at 12:15? You better get a move on then, you've only got 15 minutes to get there, and traffic's not going to be good. Run back to your car, and find a parking ticket on the windshield for parking on the street during the street cleaning times. Now this is tricky, street cleaning only happens once a week for two hours, so you really need to plan where you park your car ahead of time. Ball up the ticket and get in your car. Follow the directions on the 3 page ticket to the parking garage that is about a mile away from the studio. Park your car on the fifth floor of one of the biggest parking lots you've ever been in. Don't use the elevator, walk down the five flights of stairs... now you'll end up in a shopping center much like The Plaza, a nicer, bigger Plaza... you won't know where you are, or what direction your pointed. Walk around lost for a little while.
This is key, enter the address of the studio into the GPS on your iPhone... follow the directions to a T. If you followed the directions correctly, 15 minutes later you should arrive in some random residential neighborhood.
By this time it's at least an hour after the check in time... here's the most important step. Give up.
As an added bonus do this:
Go ahead and walk back to your car defeated, and when you get there realize that you need to get your parking ticket validated. Maybe smoke some wizard before walking back down the five flights of stairs. Treat yourself to a milkshake, and ask to get your ticket validated. They'll say they don't validate tickets, oh well at least you have a milkshake.
Everything was NOT coming up Russes today that's for sure. Russ took the rest of the day to do what he's been doing the time he's been here... surf the internet at a coffee shop until they close. After the coffee shop closed Russ decided to drop off his stuff at the apartment, and go for a walk. While he was in the apartment he ran into The Actor.
"Russ, man, how was your day."
"Fine."
"Good good, man, today was a good day for me, I got a lot done, took care of somethings."
"Nice."
"Yea man, went and got into The Price is Right-"
"Uh what?"
"We went to The Price is Right today... we didn't win anything."
"Wait. You were at The Price is Right? Today?"
"Yea man, we got interviewed but they didn't pick us to be contestants."
"Today? Earlier today? The Price is Right?"
"Yea, we might try again next week."
Russ couldn't believe it, he still can't believe it. Russ hadn't told anyone he had a ticket to The Price is Right... this was just a big fucking coincidence, and after hearing that The Actor was there, and he made it in, Russ was pissed.
All is not lost in Russ's quest to be on The Price is Right though, he has another ticket, come February 22nd, Russ will get there at 6am, and be on The Price is Right... if wizard doesn't stand in his way.
There are days, and there are days.
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Things get hard, tempers flare, Russ starts to lose it. This and more next time... if there's a next time.
The Drug Dealer lost a sack of wizard. Maybe you shouldn't weigh your drugs out in the stairwell of the apartment complex, trying to hide from the rest of your room mates... further more, if you need to run inside the apartment really quick to grab something, maybe you shouldn't leave your drugs out where someone could find them, because when you get back... they could be gone... like they were when you got back. Now you're out a couple hundies bro. Nice work.
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If you're in LA, why not sign up to try and be on some game shows? Russ did. He signed up to try and be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, and also signed up, and received a ticket to be in the audience of The Price is Right.
If you ever have a ticket to be an audience member on The Price is Right... here are surefire ways you'll fuck it up, and not make it on time.
Despite what the ticket says about the line starting at 6am, sleep in instead, wake up around 9, shower, then smoke a bunch of wizard, next instead of going straight to the studio, go to Starbucks for an hour. Now, at this point check in starts at 12:30, you've got half an hour to get there. Now is the time to read all of the 3 page ticket you printed out.
What's this? Check in is actually at 12:15? You better get a move on then, you've only got 15 minutes to get there, and traffic's not going to be good. Run back to your car, and find a parking ticket on the windshield for parking on the street during the street cleaning times. Now this is tricky, street cleaning only happens once a week for two hours, so you really need to plan where you park your car ahead of time. Ball up the ticket and get in your car. Follow the directions on the 3 page ticket to the parking garage that is about a mile away from the studio. Park your car on the fifth floor of one of the biggest parking lots you've ever been in. Don't use the elevator, walk down the five flights of stairs... now you'll end up in a shopping center much like The Plaza, a nicer, bigger Plaza... you won't know where you are, or what direction your pointed. Walk around lost for a little while.
This is key, enter the address of the studio into the GPS on your iPhone... follow the directions to a T. If you followed the directions correctly, 15 minutes later you should arrive in some random residential neighborhood.
By this time it's at least an hour after the check in time... here's the most important step. Give up.
As an added bonus do this:
Go ahead and walk back to your car defeated, and when you get there realize that you need to get your parking ticket validated. Maybe smoke some wizard before walking back down the five flights of stairs. Treat yourself to a milkshake, and ask to get your ticket validated. They'll say they don't validate tickets, oh well at least you have a milkshake.
Everything was NOT coming up Russes today that's for sure. Russ took the rest of the day to do what he's been doing the time he's been here... surf the internet at a coffee shop until they close. After the coffee shop closed Russ decided to drop off his stuff at the apartment, and go for a walk. While he was in the apartment he ran into The Actor.
"Russ, man, how was your day."
"Fine."
"Good good, man, today was a good day for me, I got a lot done, took care of somethings."
"Nice."
"Yea man, went and got into The Price is Right-"
"Uh what?"
"We went to The Price is Right today... we didn't win anything."
"Wait. You were at The Price is Right? Today?"
"Yea man, we got interviewed but they didn't pick us to be contestants."
"Today? Earlier today? The Price is Right?"
"Yea, we might try again next week."
Russ couldn't believe it, he still can't believe it. Russ hadn't told anyone he had a ticket to The Price is Right... this was just a big fucking coincidence, and after hearing that The Actor was there, and he made it in, Russ was pissed.
All is not lost in Russ's quest to be on The Price is Right though, he has another ticket, come February 22nd, Russ will get there at 6am, and be on The Price is Right... if wizard doesn't stand in his way.
There are days, and there are days.
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Things get hard, tempers flare, Russ starts to lose it. This and more next time... if there's a next time.
8) Meet the room mates... Pt. 4 - The Prophet
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
We met the room mates currently living with Russ. Russ also found out that The Baby Mama is gay now, and has a pretty hot girlfriend.
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Over the past two weeks, or almost two weeks Russ had tried to spend as little time in the apartment as possible. He wakes up, showers, eats a quick breakfast, goes for a walk, and goes about his day... and then returns late at night usually around midnight or so.
One night over the past weekend Russ got home late, and The Drug Dealer informed him that they'd have a new room mate soon.
"Did you meet the guy? Is he cool?"
"Yea, I don't remember where he's from but he says he's a Prophet, and Byrone believes him."
"When's he moving in?"
"I dunno."
A couple days later, getting home late at night, Russ saw that the new room mate had arrived. He got out of bed and introduced himself to Russ, and then apologized for being tired and not wanting to talk more. He didn't have to apologize, Russ didn't want to talk to him.
Over the next couple days Russ got to know his new room mate a little better. While not talking to the new room mate much, he overheard many conversations between the new room mate, The Actor, and The Drug Dealer.
Now when Russ thinks of someone who's a Prophet, he just thinks that they go around preaching the word of God. He pictures someone on a street corner shouting out to people about God. This guy, the new room mate... apparently he actually received visions from God, on a daily basis.
"So what's this guy's story?"
Well, eight years ago The Prophet received a vision from God. A vision of the future. A future where The Prophet had his own talk show that toured across the nation. On this talk show, he'd have a live band behind him that he'd interact with. The talk show was also focused on a DVD series about the 7 days of creation, and how to live your life. Now, after a long eight years of following this vision, The Prophet feels like his goal is in site, he's almost there.
"Wow so he's close huh?"
Oh yea... well maybe all of our definitions of the word "close" are off. One would think that by close, maybe he'd just be waiting for his talk show to air, or getting ready to shoot the shows...
Nope. The Prophet has no place to shoot his talk show, no band, no budget, no videography crew to film it... who knows if his DVD series is even finished... or if he's even started the DVD series.
"What's this guys deal?"
Let's get back to his visions. The other night, all of us are laying in our beds, me, The Drug Dealer, and The Prophet, and The Drug Dealer starts talking to The Prophet about needing health advice... The Prophet goes on to tell The Drug Dealer about a vision he had the previous night while he was sleeping.
"Wait a god damned minute... that's how you get your visions? At night? While you're sleeping??!??! That's called a fucking dream. EVERYONE has them. ARE YOU KIDDING?!?"
A couple nights later, last night in fact The Prophet would approach Russ... which is Russ's own fault for coming home so early.
"Hey Russ, let's rap for a second, I want to learn about your gifts, your talents, you know I think we can help each other in big ways."
"...let's rap for a second..."
Russ had only heard someone say this once before. An episode of The Cosby Show, the later years when Theo was teaching. One of his students was having some trouble, so after class Theo holds the kid back, and says, "Hey man let's rap for a minute" as he gets a chair, turns it around and sits in it backwards all cool like. Russ watched a lot of The Cosby Show.
There wasn't really and avoiding the situation, Russ was laying in bed, fucking around on his phone, and The Prophet pulled a chair over and sat down. He went on to somewhat explain what he wanted to do here in LA, and what his DVD series was about... Russ didn't really understand him... something like on one day God made light, and the sun, so that means you should live your life in the light? Who knows, The Prophet kept jumping around from topic to topic.
"Lemme give you an example Russ, you're here in Hollywood, you're out here filming, and people ask you, 'Russ, how do you get those shots, those perfect shots?' and you tell them 'I just follow God, he gives me the perfect shots, you know I live my life though his light.'"
What are you on? Give some to Russ.
"See Russ, people want what I have, which is my word. You saw the other night how I was giving advice to him."
He pointed to where The Drug Dealer sleeps.
"People want my advice, my knowledge... I'll be out talking to people, someone will over hear me talking and say, 'I never saw it that way, you've really opened my eyes.'"
"Uh huh."
"I'm tellin you Russ, we should get together and help each other out. If you came out and followed me around with a video camera, the next day you'd be begging to work with me after seeing what I can do."
"Yea."
"In fact, what's your schedule like this next week or two."
"Uh well... I'm free most days."
Russ is free all the fucking time, because he doesn't have a job, or friends, but he didn't want to spend time with someone who's convinced the dreams they're having at night are actually visions from God.
"Well how about this, maybe one day, well maybe one day a week, four days total, you just follow me around with a camera, and we can put that up on Youtube."
"...yea..."
"What about we do this Friday?"
"...uh..."
Shit.
"...oh you know what? I think you need a permit to film on the streets here."
"Hm really?"
"Yea I was talking with Byrone about it the other day."
"Let's ask him... HEY BYRONE!"
The Actor came out, and confirmed what Russ had told The Prophet, then went on to say...
"You know, you can always shoot guerilla style... you know just get out there, do it quick, and hope you don't get caught."
"QUIET YOU!"
Thanks, The Actor, Thanks. Luckily for Russ, The Prophet didn't want to shoot that way, he wanted things to be legitimate.
"I'll find out about the permit tomorrow, and let you know Russ."
"Ok."
"...and you know, although I can't pay you, I could feed you, pizza, sandwiches and whatnot."
"Uh... ok..."
"Have you eaten today? I could feed you now, I've got food in the fridge."
"I'm good."
Guess what, Russ had food in the fridge too, he didn't need yours. How about the money you use on the food to feed Russ, you just give to him instead?
What have you gotten yourself into Russ? Only time will tell.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Could Russ be on The Price is Right?! Find out this, and more next time!
We met the room mates currently living with Russ. Russ also found out that The Baby Mama is gay now, and has a pretty hot girlfriend.
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Over the past two weeks, or almost two weeks Russ had tried to spend as little time in the apartment as possible. He wakes up, showers, eats a quick breakfast, goes for a walk, and goes about his day... and then returns late at night usually around midnight or so.
One night over the past weekend Russ got home late, and The Drug Dealer informed him that they'd have a new room mate soon.
"Did you meet the guy? Is he cool?"
"Yea, I don't remember where he's from but he says he's a Prophet, and Byrone believes him."
"When's he moving in?"
"I dunno."
A couple days later, getting home late at night, Russ saw that the new room mate had arrived. He got out of bed and introduced himself to Russ, and then apologized for being tired and not wanting to talk more. He didn't have to apologize, Russ didn't want to talk to him.
Over the next couple days Russ got to know his new room mate a little better. While not talking to the new room mate much, he overheard many conversations between the new room mate, The Actor, and The Drug Dealer.
Now when Russ thinks of someone who's a Prophet, he just thinks that they go around preaching the word of God. He pictures someone on a street corner shouting out to people about God. This guy, the new room mate... apparently he actually received visions from God, on a daily basis.
"So what's this guy's story?"
Well, eight years ago The Prophet received a vision from God. A vision of the future. A future where The Prophet had his own talk show that toured across the nation. On this talk show, he'd have a live band behind him that he'd interact with. The talk show was also focused on a DVD series about the 7 days of creation, and how to live your life. Now, after a long eight years of following this vision, The Prophet feels like his goal is in site, he's almost there.
"Wow so he's close huh?"
Oh yea... well maybe all of our definitions of the word "close" are off. One would think that by close, maybe he'd just be waiting for his talk show to air, or getting ready to shoot the shows...
Nope. The Prophet has no place to shoot his talk show, no band, no budget, no videography crew to film it... who knows if his DVD series is even finished... or if he's even started the DVD series.
"What's this guys deal?"
Let's get back to his visions. The other night, all of us are laying in our beds, me, The Drug Dealer, and The Prophet, and The Drug Dealer starts talking to The Prophet about needing health advice... The Prophet goes on to tell The Drug Dealer about a vision he had the previous night while he was sleeping.
"Wait a god damned minute... that's how you get your visions? At night? While you're sleeping??!??! That's called a fucking dream. EVERYONE has them. ARE YOU KIDDING?!?"
A couple nights later, last night in fact The Prophet would approach Russ... which is Russ's own fault for coming home so early.
"Hey Russ, let's rap for a second, I want to learn about your gifts, your talents, you know I think we can help each other in big ways."
"...let's rap for a second..."
Russ had only heard someone say this once before. An episode of The Cosby Show, the later years when Theo was teaching. One of his students was having some trouble, so after class Theo holds the kid back, and says, "Hey man let's rap for a minute" as he gets a chair, turns it around and sits in it backwards all cool like. Russ watched a lot of The Cosby Show.
There wasn't really and avoiding the situation, Russ was laying in bed, fucking around on his phone, and The Prophet pulled a chair over and sat down. He went on to somewhat explain what he wanted to do here in LA, and what his DVD series was about... Russ didn't really understand him... something like on one day God made light, and the sun, so that means you should live your life in the light? Who knows, The Prophet kept jumping around from topic to topic.
"Lemme give you an example Russ, you're here in Hollywood, you're out here filming, and people ask you, 'Russ, how do you get those shots, those perfect shots?' and you tell them 'I just follow God, he gives me the perfect shots, you know I live my life though his light.'"
What are you on? Give some to Russ.
"See Russ, people want what I have, which is my word. You saw the other night how I was giving advice to him."
He pointed to where The Drug Dealer sleeps.
"People want my advice, my knowledge... I'll be out talking to people, someone will over hear me talking and say, 'I never saw it that way, you've really opened my eyes.'"
"Uh huh."
"I'm tellin you Russ, we should get together and help each other out. If you came out and followed me around with a video camera, the next day you'd be begging to work with me after seeing what I can do."
"Yea."
"In fact, what's your schedule like this next week or two."
"Uh well... I'm free most days."
Russ is free all the fucking time, because he doesn't have a job, or friends, but he didn't want to spend time with someone who's convinced the dreams they're having at night are actually visions from God.
"Well how about this, maybe one day, well maybe one day a week, four days total, you just follow me around with a camera, and we can put that up on Youtube."
"...yea..."
"What about we do this Friday?"
"...uh..."
Shit.
"...oh you know what? I think you need a permit to film on the streets here."
"Hm really?"
"Yea I was talking with Byrone about it the other day."
"Let's ask him... HEY BYRONE!"
The Actor came out, and confirmed what Russ had told The Prophet, then went on to say...
"You know, you can always shoot guerilla style... you know just get out there, do it quick, and hope you don't get caught."
"QUIET YOU!"
Thanks, The Actor, Thanks. Luckily for Russ, The Prophet didn't want to shoot that way, he wanted things to be legitimate.
"I'll find out about the permit tomorrow, and let you know Russ."
"Ok."
"...and you know, although I can't pay you, I could feed you, pizza, sandwiches and whatnot."
"Uh... ok..."
"Have you eaten today? I could feed you now, I've got food in the fridge."
"I'm good."
Guess what, Russ had food in the fridge too, he didn't need yours. How about the money you use on the food to feed Russ, you just give to him instead?
What have you gotten yourself into Russ? Only time will tell.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Could Russ be on The Price is Right?! Find out this, and more next time!
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