One last story about Vegas and LA!!
Then... the second season of Everything's Coming Up Russes...
Plenty of true stories to keep me depressed, and you laughing!!
Stick around!!!
A young boy blossoms into a man, in this incredible true story about love, friendship, heartache, and betrayal.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
22) "Wait a second... these girls aren't getting naked!!
Note: If you're new, you should start reading from the beginning.
Previously on...
"Woah woah woah... hold up Russ... where the fuck have you been? You haven't updated your blog in like a month!"
"Where's your blog? Huh? HUH? Why don't you try having shitty things happen to you on a daily basis, and write about it, so you'll never forget... then have everyone tell you it's hilarious... little do they know you're sitting in the corner of Starbucks everyday, crying as you type up your newest blog update, and when the manager comes over and asks you what's wrong, you yell at him telling him that nothing's wrong, your allergies are just acting up, as he slowly backs up telling the other employee to call the police, you just yell 'Oh great, here's another hilarious situation I can write about! Fantastic!' At this point you're sobbing uncontrollably, you pack up your stuff and as you walk out you yell 'Fuck this! I don't need this place!! I come here to take shits and use your free internet!' Then you run down the street."
The Writers Strike is over folks... Can't promise posts everyday, but maybe once a week? Who knows.
So... previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
At one point while Russ was in Vegas he had to switch hotels.
"What? Why?"
"Patience, <insert your name here> my friend, you'll find out in a couple days."
The hotel he'd switched to was really cheap because it was newly renovated, and was really nice. There was a small casino, and a bar on the first floor that sold drinks... get this... at normal, reasonable prices. So one night, Russ went down to the bar, and sat there and drank for 3 or 4 hours.
The bar wasn't that busy, there were a few regulars, and then a few people who worked there that were just hanging out. At one point a couple came into the bar, that knew everyone else. The girl was hammered. After a little while the couple got into a fight, and the guy went up to their hotel room, while the girl stayed at the bar. The girl then would talk to one or two people for a little bit, then she'd move to another group... and she eventually got to Russ.
"Hi!"
"Hey..."
"What's your name?"
"Russ."
"Hi Russ I'm... (I don't remember her name so let's call her Liz) Liz."
"Hey..."
"So what are you doing here Russ?"
"Just hanging out drinking."
"No no no what are you doing HERE in Vegas?"
"Oh... I don't know really."
"You don't know?!"
"Well I kinda moved here... maybe?"
"Why would you move here?"
"Why not?"
"No why would you move here?"
"Uh... why not?"
"What do you do here?"
"I'm looking for work."
"You came here without a job?!?"
"Uh... yes."
"You're either crazy or really rich... right?"
"..."
"You're rich aren't you? Mr Money Bags over here."
"I guess."
"You know what? You're boring me. I'm going to talk to someone more entertaining."
"Go for it."
She stumbled away, and left Russ alone.
"Drunk bitch."
Russ had a few more drinks and then somehow made it back to his hotel room.
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With all the hustle and bustle of this LA lifestyle Russ needed to relax. He needed a drink. On a few of his nightly walks he'd passed a bar called "Jumbo's Clown Room" ...there weren't any windows so you couldn't see in, but there was always a chill looking crowd outside smoking. This was it. Tonight was the night he was going to check this place out.
Russ drover to the bar, which was only a 5-7 minute walk from where Russ was staying, but it was raining out...
"You don't have an umbrella?"
"Can I finish?"
...it was raining, AND Russ needed new shoes badly. He'd been wearing the same pair of shoes for over a year, so they were pretty worn... combine that with Russ constantly putting cigarettes out on the bottom of his shoes and what do you get? Russ knows the answer to this...
It only rained a few times in LA, but everytime it did Russ's shoes would fill up with water, then his socks would get wet, he'd be uncomfortable, and then his shoes, socks, and feet would smell bad.
"Here's an idea Russ... get new shoes!"
Note: I got new shoes like two days before leaving LA.
Anyways... let's just skip ahead to getting to the front door of the bar. Russ walks, (in his shoes and socks that ended up getting soaked anyways) up to the bouncer, who stares him up and down. Russ handed the bouncer his ID.
"You ever been to this place?"
"No."
"Well it's twenty-one and over... oh... you are over 21."
"Yep... is there a cover?"
The bouncer handed his ID back to Russ.
"No, but there's a two drink minimum."
Russ thought that was kind of weird for a bar, but he didn't mind. He'd probably have more than two drinks anyways.
"Oh ok... well do you guys take cards?"
"Yea... and there's also an ATM inside."
"Oh ok cool."
Russ started to walk into the bar.
"Oh and make sure you tip the girls."
"Uh...kay."
Russ walked into the bar, down the short hallway, turned the corner and the first thing that caught his eye was this hot girl on stage grinding a stripper pole.
"Hellooo."
The next thing Russ noticed was a bunch of dudes sitting as close to the stage as possible throwing plenty of ones up on the stage... oh excuse me... "making it rain" ... and a few girls in the audience cheering.
"Oh god dammit."
Russ just realized why there was a two drink minimum, and why the bouncer told him to tip the girls.
"Fuck!"
Russ thought about leaving. He didn't want to have to pay for drinks, and then tip the strippers. He stood there for a moment thinking to himself, and watching the girl on stage. Maybe he could get away with just getting one drink and then leaving. He walked up to the packed bar, found an opening, and eventually got the bartender's attention. He ordered his usual drink, a gin and tonic, gave the lady a ten dollar bill, and got 3 bucks back as change.
"7$?!? For this?!? Ugghh... god dammit."
He left the bartender a tip on the bar, then walked over to, and stood by the snack machine. He watched the girls one by one as they would come up on the stage in their underwear, they'd dance for a song, pick up their money and the next girl would come up. This would happen a few more times before Russ realized something.
"Wait a second... these girls aren't getting naked!!"
Now Russ really didn't want to stay. He wasn't going to tip some girl not getting naked while dancing to some song. It took him a few songs... the situation wasn't unbearable... but he finished his drink, and decided to try and make a run for it. He set his empty glass on the bar, and walked down the hallway, as he got outside he saw the bouncer.
"Hey man, you coming out to smoke?"
Russ panicked.
"Uh yea... yea."
Note: I'm pretty bad at coming up with lies on the spot. What I should of said is, "I left my cigs in the car" or something, but no... not quick enough. Example: I was at a bar hanging out with a friend one night in KC, and some annoying drunk dude came up to us, and started talking about random shit. He eventually introduced himself to us, and my friend, instead of saying his real name, replied saying his name was Chris. When it was my turn to introduce myself I paused for a moment, and the only thing I could think of was Russ, so I said Russ. What I immediately said in my head, "Doh!" My friend just looked at me like I was an idiot.
"You can smoke over there."
Russ was pointed to the designated smoking section. He pulled a cigarette out, and lit it up. He stood there by himself, constantly looking at the bouncer. Maybe he could just run away... before Russ could make a move, one of the strippers... I mean... one of the underwear dancers came out.
"Hey sweetie, you got a light?"
"Uh yea."
Russ took out his lighter and there was an awkward moment, where the girl may have wanted Russ to light the cigarette for her, but didn't... there was a slight pause, and then the girl took the lighter. She handed the lighter back.
"Thanks."
"Yea."
"I like your hair."
"Oh thanks..."
"You having a good time?"
"Uh... sure..."
"Oh good!"
"I actually didn't know what this place was... this is my first time here."
"Oh I like that!"
As Russ was talking some guy came out, and stood next to the girl. The guy pulled out a cigarette and asked for a light.
"Oh I don't have one, but he does."
Russ gave the dude his lighter, and got it back a second later.
"Thanks bro."
"Yea."
The underwear dancer turned her back to Russ and started talking to the guy.
"I like your hat..."
The guy had on some stupid hipster hat.
"Thanks I just picked this up the other day, cool right?"
"Yea it's cute! Are you having a good time tonight?"
"I am now, how about you?"
Really? Russ went back inside and ordered another drink. He watched a few more dances, and then the girl who used his lighter got on stage. Every time she glanced at Russ, Russ gave her a look that he hoped said "Fuck you bitch. I know your game, and you aren't getting a dime from me!" He probably looked like a total creep. Russ left a short while later, getting away with only tipping one girl he found attractive.
Note: When it comes to these types of situations... when you're in a strip club, or a "bikini bar" I think it's fair to only tip girls that you find attractive. Maybe that's fucked up, but it's my money right? If I'm spending my money I don't want some ugly broad dancing all up on me, no I want that to be a girl I find attractive. Maybe this isn't the best example, but when I go out to eat I don't pay for food I don't like right? A peanut butter sandwich isn't gonna sit on my lap, ask me if I want a bite, when I refuse it gets upset, and still wants a tip for it's time spent on my lap. Get the fuck off me sandwich.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Paranoia sets in... and Russ realizes just how alone he really is.
Previously on...
"Woah woah woah... hold up Russ... where the fuck have you been? You haven't updated your blog in like a month!"
"Where's your blog? Huh? HUH? Why don't you try having shitty things happen to you on a daily basis, and write about it, so you'll never forget... then have everyone tell you it's hilarious... little do they know you're sitting in the corner of Starbucks everyday, crying as you type up your newest blog update, and when the manager comes over and asks you what's wrong, you yell at him telling him that nothing's wrong, your allergies are just acting up, as he slowly backs up telling the other employee to call the police, you just yell 'Oh great, here's another hilarious situation I can write about! Fantastic!' At this point you're sobbing uncontrollably, you pack up your stuff and as you walk out you yell 'Fuck this! I don't need this place!! I come here to take shits and use your free internet!' Then you run down the street."
The Writers Strike is over folks... Can't promise posts everyday, but maybe once a week? Who knows.
So... previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
At one point while Russ was in Vegas he had to switch hotels.
"What? Why?"
"Patience, <insert your name here> my friend, you'll find out in a couple days."
The hotel he'd switched to was really cheap because it was newly renovated, and was really nice. There was a small casino, and a bar on the first floor that sold drinks... get this... at normal, reasonable prices. So one night, Russ went down to the bar, and sat there and drank for 3 or 4 hours.
The bar wasn't that busy, there were a few regulars, and then a few people who worked there that were just hanging out. At one point a couple came into the bar, that knew everyone else. The girl was hammered. After a little while the couple got into a fight, and the guy went up to their hotel room, while the girl stayed at the bar. The girl then would talk to one or two people for a little bit, then she'd move to another group... and she eventually got to Russ.
"Hi!"
"Hey..."
"What's your name?"
"Russ."
"Hi Russ I'm... (I don't remember her name so let's call her Liz) Liz."
"Hey..."
"So what are you doing here Russ?"
"Just hanging out drinking."
"No no no what are you doing HERE in Vegas?"
"Oh... I don't know really."
"You don't know?!"
"Well I kinda moved here... maybe?"
"Why would you move here?"
"Why not?"
"No why would you move here?"
"Uh... why not?"
"What do you do here?"
"I'm looking for work."
"You came here without a job?!?"
"Uh... yes."
"You're either crazy or really rich... right?"
"..."
"You're rich aren't you? Mr Money Bags over here."
"I guess."
"You know what? You're boring me. I'm going to talk to someone more entertaining."
"Go for it."
She stumbled away, and left Russ alone.
"Drunk bitch."
Russ had a few more drinks and then somehow made it back to his hotel room.
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With all the hustle and bustle of this LA lifestyle Russ needed to relax. He needed a drink. On a few of his nightly walks he'd passed a bar called "Jumbo's Clown Room" ...there weren't any windows so you couldn't see in, but there was always a chill looking crowd outside smoking. This was it. Tonight was the night he was going to check this place out.
Russ drover to the bar, which was only a 5-7 minute walk from where Russ was staying, but it was raining out...
"You don't have an umbrella?"
"Can I finish?"
...it was raining, AND Russ needed new shoes badly. He'd been wearing the same pair of shoes for over a year, so they were pretty worn... combine that with Russ constantly putting cigarettes out on the bottom of his shoes and what do you get? Russ knows the answer to this...
It only rained a few times in LA, but everytime it did Russ's shoes would fill up with water, then his socks would get wet, he'd be uncomfortable, and then his shoes, socks, and feet would smell bad.
"Here's an idea Russ... get new shoes!"
Note: I got new shoes like two days before leaving LA.
Anyways... let's just skip ahead to getting to the front door of the bar. Russ walks, (in his shoes and socks that ended up getting soaked anyways) up to the bouncer, who stares him up and down. Russ handed the bouncer his ID.
"You ever been to this place?"
"No."
"Well it's twenty-one and over... oh... you are over 21."
"Yep... is there a cover?"
The bouncer handed his ID back to Russ.
"No, but there's a two drink minimum."
Russ thought that was kind of weird for a bar, but he didn't mind. He'd probably have more than two drinks anyways.
"Oh ok... well do you guys take cards?"
"Yea... and there's also an ATM inside."
"Oh ok cool."
Russ started to walk into the bar.
"Oh and make sure you tip the girls."
"Uh...kay."
Russ walked into the bar, down the short hallway, turned the corner and the first thing that caught his eye was this hot girl on stage grinding a stripper pole.
"Hellooo."
The next thing Russ noticed was a bunch of dudes sitting as close to the stage as possible throwing plenty of ones up on the stage... oh excuse me... "making it rain" ... and a few girls in the audience cheering.
"Oh god dammit."
Russ just realized why there was a two drink minimum, and why the bouncer told him to tip the girls.
"Fuck!"
Russ thought about leaving. He didn't want to have to pay for drinks, and then tip the strippers. He stood there for a moment thinking to himself, and watching the girl on stage. Maybe he could get away with just getting one drink and then leaving. He walked up to the packed bar, found an opening, and eventually got the bartender's attention. He ordered his usual drink, a gin and tonic, gave the lady a ten dollar bill, and got 3 bucks back as change.
"7$?!? For this?!? Ugghh... god dammit."
He left the bartender a tip on the bar, then walked over to, and stood by the snack machine. He watched the girls one by one as they would come up on the stage in their underwear, they'd dance for a song, pick up their money and the next girl would come up. This would happen a few more times before Russ realized something.
"Wait a second... these girls aren't getting naked!!"
Now Russ really didn't want to stay. He wasn't going to tip some girl not getting naked while dancing to some song. It took him a few songs... the situation wasn't unbearable... but he finished his drink, and decided to try and make a run for it. He set his empty glass on the bar, and walked down the hallway, as he got outside he saw the bouncer.
"Hey man, you coming out to smoke?"
Russ panicked.
"Uh yea... yea."
Note: I'm pretty bad at coming up with lies on the spot. What I should of said is, "I left my cigs in the car" or something, but no... not quick enough. Example: I was at a bar hanging out with a friend one night in KC, and some annoying drunk dude came up to us, and started talking about random shit. He eventually introduced himself to us, and my friend, instead of saying his real name, replied saying his name was Chris. When it was my turn to introduce myself I paused for a moment, and the only thing I could think of was Russ, so I said Russ. What I immediately said in my head, "Doh!" My friend just looked at me like I was an idiot.
"You can smoke over there."
Russ was pointed to the designated smoking section. He pulled a cigarette out, and lit it up. He stood there by himself, constantly looking at the bouncer. Maybe he could just run away... before Russ could make a move, one of the strippers... I mean... one of the underwear dancers came out.
"Hey sweetie, you got a light?"
"Uh yea."
Russ took out his lighter and there was an awkward moment, where the girl may have wanted Russ to light the cigarette for her, but didn't... there was a slight pause, and then the girl took the lighter. She handed the lighter back.
"Thanks."
"Yea."
"I like your hair."
"Oh thanks..."
"You having a good time?"
"Uh... sure..."
"Oh good!"
"I actually didn't know what this place was... this is my first time here."
"Oh I like that!"
As Russ was talking some guy came out, and stood next to the girl. The guy pulled out a cigarette and asked for a light.
"Oh I don't have one, but he does."
Russ gave the dude his lighter, and got it back a second later.
"Thanks bro."
"Yea."
The underwear dancer turned her back to Russ and started talking to the guy.
"I like your hat..."
The guy had on some stupid hipster hat.
"Thanks I just picked this up the other day, cool right?"
"Yea it's cute! Are you having a good time tonight?"
"I am now, how about you?"
Really? Russ went back inside and ordered another drink. He watched a few more dances, and then the girl who used his lighter got on stage. Every time she glanced at Russ, Russ gave her a look that he hoped said "Fuck you bitch. I know your game, and you aren't getting a dime from me!" He probably looked like a total creep. Russ left a short while later, getting away with only tipping one girl he found attractive.
Note: When it comes to these types of situations... when you're in a strip club, or a "bikini bar" I think it's fair to only tip girls that you find attractive. Maybe that's fucked up, but it's my money right? If I'm spending my money I don't want some ugly broad dancing all up on me, no I want that to be a girl I find attractive. Maybe this isn't the best example, but when I go out to eat I don't pay for food I don't like right? A peanut butter sandwich isn't gonna sit on my lap, ask me if I want a bite, when I refuse it gets upset, and still wants a tip for it's time spent on my lap. Get the fuck off me sandwich.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Paranoia sets in... and Russ realizes just how alone he really is.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
21) The Price is...n't Happening!!
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ was excited, he had tickets to a comedy show... Sarah Silverman and Friends at the Largo Theater. This was pretty much the only place Russ couldn't walk to. It was at least a twenty minute drive... usually around thirty with traffic. This would be the second show Russ will have seen at this theater, the first being The Benson Interruption with Doug Benson, Nick Swardson, Al Madrigal, Anthony Jeselnik, Sean Cullen, and Garfunkel & Oates... great show.
Anyways, Russ got to the theater a little later than he wanted to, he quickly tried to find a parking space, and found one about two blocks away. Walking at a fast pace, he finally made it to the theater...
But what's this...?
Sarah Silverman and Friends wasn't tonight. It was some other show. Russ started to worry... what if he had looked at the calendar wrong? What if it was the previous night and he missed it?
Noooooooooooooooo!
Russ pulled out his ticket, and saw that the show was actually tomorrow night. Close one.
"...but god dammit I drove all the way out here!!"
You probably don't think that's such a big deal, but parking sucks in LA... Russ knew by the time he got back to the apartment his space right in front of the building would be gone... and all for nothing.
"Fuck."
Russ got in his car, hit some wizard and cruised home. When he got to his apartment his parking spot was gone, so he parked about a block away. What had seemed like a somewhat shitty night would only get better in a couple hours... but that's a story for another day...
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How many posts are going to start out this way... Russ was so tired. So very very tired. Ha ha... anyways you all know Russ had failed to get to The Price is Right on time a couple weeks ago, luckily he had gotten another ticket for the 22nd... a Tuesday.
It's not hard at all to get tickets really... you just go online, and print one out. Luck doesn't really have anything to do with it.
Russ got back to the apartment late Monday night after a show, around 1:30, and was locked out of the apartment... AGAIN... but only for a little while. Someone eventually entered the building and let him in. When he got up to the apartment... it was hot as fuck... honestly it had to be at least 80 degrees in there... sooooo hot, he popped one of his sleeping pills, hopped into his jammies (tshirt and shorts), and laid down. He was really tired, and if he wanted to make it to The Price is Right he was going to have to get up at 5, to try and be at the studio around 6am.
Around 2am, The New Guy got home... (He just walked into Starbucks... I'm going to have to finish this post a little later... ok he's at another table.)
Note: Let me say that out of everyone in the apartment, I feel like I'm the only person trying to respect the fact that other people might be trying to sleep. So I have this little flashlight I use to navigate in the dark... obviously... and I try to be as quiet as possible. No one else does this... hey let's turn on as many lights as we can and make as much noise as fucking possible... just typing about this shit pisses me off.
So The New Guy gets home around 2, and who knows how the fuck he does this, but he passes out the moment he lays down... and fucking snores up a storm!! How the hell do people fall asleep so fast? Also if you snore you should try and do something about it if you plan on having room mates, or you sleep with someone else. Come on.
For an hour Russ laid there, tossing and turning in the heat, trying to listen to music, but not able to tune out the snoring sound. After awhile Russ couldn't handle it anymore, he went outside to the courtyard to smoke. Now under the influence of sleeping pills and wizard he decided to go for a walk. Great idea. Minutes later, and incredibly hungry he ended up at 7-11. After walking around 7-11 for about ten minutes...probably freaking the clerk out... he walked out with chili cheese nachos.
Note: I know, I know... it was a very weak moment for me... I was tired, hungry, pissed... eating junk food just this once made me feel a little better... at least until the heartburn set in.
Note to self: Don't eat 7-11 chili cheese nachos at 3am and then hope to get some sleep that night.
Russ walked back to the apartment, but decided to eat his nachos in his car. After eating he just decided to sit in his car for awhile. He started to doze off, and hopped in the back to lay down. It was chilly, and you know he was wearing shorts, so he grabbed a towel and covered himself up.
Even alone in his car, Russ couldn't get to sleep. He laid there until daybreak, and then went back into the apartment. Fuck going to The Price is Right... he didn't have the energy or patience to deal with any of that.
Later that evening Russ went to the local comedy theatre for a show, Doug Loves Movies... he always got to this show, which was free, two hours before it started so he could sit in the front row.
"Is sitting in the front row really that important?"
For this show it is. Half way through Doug Loves Movies, the celebrity panel each get to pick someone out of the audience to play the movie game show for. People in the audience wear name tags that they've made, and the each guest picks a name tag.
Note: People in the audience go all out making name tags. The first time I went I just stopped at CVS and picked up a pack of "Hello My Name is" name tags. I just wrote "Russ" on it in Sharpie, and wore that for the show. Other people though, put a lot more effort into this and make light up name tags... one guy wrote his name on a banana and got picked, one guy had a Price is Right name tag(fucker). The rest of the shows I've gone to, I've still used the "Hello My Name is" tags, but instead of just writing "Russ" on one, I write each letter of my name largely on each tag... 7 name tags all across my chest spelling Russell.
The celebrity who wins, their audience member gets a prize bag. This week Dave Foley, Jeff Garlin, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin, and Red Mist, for those of you who aren't familiar with that name) were there. Like the three weeks before Russ didn't get picked.
"Awwwwwww."
That's okay, the show's still incredibly entertaining, and Russ's name has been mentioned the last two shows. The first time Russ was mentioned just as the host, Doug Benson, was reading off some of the name tags in the audience. The second time, Doug was listing off celebrity birthdays... this show was the day after Jennifer Love Hewitt's birthday, so he mentioned so.
How many people do you think clapped, or cheered after he mentioned it was Jennifer Love Hewitt's birthday? If you guessed one, you're correct! Who do you think that one person was? If you guessed Russ, you're correct!
Russ let out a short cheer, and clapped when he heard Doug mention that it had been J. Love's birthday the previous day. Doug looked at Russ, the only person who cheered and clapped and said...
"Well, Russ is excited about that."
Some of you know that Russ's celebrity crush (we all have them) for the greater part of his teenage years was the lovely Jennifer Love Hewitt. What a babe.
Note: I'm sorry J. Love, but I've moved on... you'll always have a piece of my heart though.
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ needs to relax, and decides to hit up a bar, but all is not what it seems at this local tavern... stick around.
Russ was excited, he had tickets to a comedy show... Sarah Silverman and Friends at the Largo Theater. This was pretty much the only place Russ couldn't walk to. It was at least a twenty minute drive... usually around thirty with traffic. This would be the second show Russ will have seen at this theater, the first being The Benson Interruption with Doug Benson, Nick Swardson, Al Madrigal, Anthony Jeselnik, Sean Cullen, and Garfunkel & Oates... great show.
Anyways, Russ got to the theater a little later than he wanted to, he quickly tried to find a parking space, and found one about two blocks away. Walking at a fast pace, he finally made it to the theater...
But what's this...?
Sarah Silverman and Friends wasn't tonight. It was some other show. Russ started to worry... what if he had looked at the calendar wrong? What if it was the previous night and he missed it?
Noooooooooooooooo!
Russ pulled out his ticket, and saw that the show was actually tomorrow night. Close one.
"...but god dammit I drove all the way out here!!"
You probably don't think that's such a big deal, but parking sucks in LA... Russ knew by the time he got back to the apartment his space right in front of the building would be gone... and all for nothing.
"Fuck."
Russ got in his car, hit some wizard and cruised home. When he got to his apartment his parking spot was gone, so he parked about a block away. What had seemed like a somewhat shitty night would only get better in a couple hours... but that's a story for another day...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many posts are going to start out this way... Russ was so tired. So very very tired. Ha ha... anyways you all know Russ had failed to get to The Price is Right on time a couple weeks ago, luckily he had gotten another ticket for the 22nd... a Tuesday.
It's not hard at all to get tickets really... you just go online, and print one out. Luck doesn't really have anything to do with it.
Russ got back to the apartment late Monday night after a show, around 1:30, and was locked out of the apartment... AGAIN... but only for a little while. Someone eventually entered the building and let him in. When he got up to the apartment... it was hot as fuck... honestly it had to be at least 80 degrees in there... sooooo hot, he popped one of his sleeping pills, hopped into his jammies (tshirt and shorts), and laid down. He was really tired, and if he wanted to make it to The Price is Right he was going to have to get up at 5, to try and be at the studio around 6am.
Around 2am, The New Guy got home... (He just walked into Starbucks... I'm going to have to finish this post a little later... ok he's at another table.)
Note: Let me say that out of everyone in the apartment, I feel like I'm the only person trying to respect the fact that other people might be trying to sleep. So I have this little flashlight I use to navigate in the dark... obviously... and I try to be as quiet as possible. No one else does this... hey let's turn on as many lights as we can and make as much noise as fucking possible... just typing about this shit pisses me off.
So The New Guy gets home around 2, and who knows how the fuck he does this, but he passes out the moment he lays down... and fucking snores up a storm!! How the hell do people fall asleep so fast? Also if you snore you should try and do something about it if you plan on having room mates, or you sleep with someone else. Come on.
For an hour Russ laid there, tossing and turning in the heat, trying to listen to music, but not able to tune out the snoring sound. After awhile Russ couldn't handle it anymore, he went outside to the courtyard to smoke. Now under the influence of sleeping pills and wizard he decided to go for a walk. Great idea. Minutes later, and incredibly hungry he ended up at 7-11. After walking around 7-11 for about ten minutes...probably freaking the clerk out... he walked out with chili cheese nachos.
Note: I know, I know... it was a very weak moment for me... I was tired, hungry, pissed... eating junk food just this once made me feel a little better... at least until the heartburn set in.
Note to self: Don't eat 7-11 chili cheese nachos at 3am and then hope to get some sleep that night.
Russ walked back to the apartment, but decided to eat his nachos in his car. After eating he just decided to sit in his car for awhile. He started to doze off, and hopped in the back to lay down. It was chilly, and you know he was wearing shorts, so he grabbed a towel and covered himself up.
Even alone in his car, Russ couldn't get to sleep. He laid there until daybreak, and then went back into the apartment. Fuck going to The Price is Right... he didn't have the energy or patience to deal with any of that.
Later that evening Russ went to the local comedy theatre for a show, Doug Loves Movies... he always got to this show, which was free, two hours before it started so he could sit in the front row.
"Is sitting in the front row really that important?"
For this show it is. Half way through Doug Loves Movies, the celebrity panel each get to pick someone out of the audience to play the movie game show for. People in the audience wear name tags that they've made, and the each guest picks a name tag.
Note: People in the audience go all out making name tags. The first time I went I just stopped at CVS and picked up a pack of "Hello My Name is" name tags. I just wrote "Russ" on it in Sharpie, and wore that for the show. Other people though, put a lot more effort into this and make light up name tags... one guy wrote his name on a banana and got picked, one guy had a Price is Right name tag(fucker). The rest of the shows I've gone to, I've still used the "Hello My Name is" tags, but instead of just writing "Russ" on one, I write each letter of my name largely on each tag... 7 name tags all across my chest spelling Russell.
The celebrity who wins, their audience member gets a prize bag. This week Dave Foley, Jeff Garlin, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin, and Red Mist, for those of you who aren't familiar with that name) were there. Like the three weeks before Russ didn't get picked.
"Awwwwwww."
That's okay, the show's still incredibly entertaining, and Russ's name has been mentioned the last two shows. The first time Russ was mentioned just as the host, Doug Benson, was reading off some of the name tags in the audience. The second time, Doug was listing off celebrity birthdays... this show was the day after Jennifer Love Hewitt's birthday, so he mentioned so.
How many people do you think clapped, or cheered after he mentioned it was Jennifer Love Hewitt's birthday? If you guessed one, you're correct! Who do you think that one person was? If you guessed Russ, you're correct!
Russ let out a short cheer, and clapped when he heard Doug mention that it had been J. Love's birthday the previous day. Doug looked at Russ, the only person who cheered and clapped and said...
"Well, Russ is excited about that."
Some of you know that Russ's celebrity crush (we all have them) for the greater part of his teenage years was the lovely Jennifer Love Hewitt. What a babe.
Note: I'm sorry J. Love, but I've moved on... you'll always have a piece of my heart though.
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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ needs to relax, and decides to hit up a bar, but all is not what it seems at this local tavern... stick around.
And now a word from our sponsors...
I'm going to take a break from my normal posting routine to mention a few things...
First... I'd like to give a shout out to all the friends who've helped me get through this shitty time. I don't really want to list names... but you all should know who you are, cause you're the ones reading this. I have like one friend here in LA, so it's been great being able to talk to you guys even if it's online, text, whatevs. You all will be awarded with gold stars.
Special shout out to Craig Brenner for actually coming to LA to hang out! You will be awarded a platinum star.
Second... I'd like plug some items that have also helped get my mind off things...
What I've been listening to:
This American Life - This has been great to listen to on the long car rides, and at night before I go to bed... so fucking good.
Kanye West "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" - I know a lot of people think Kanye's a douchebag, but this albums actually pretty good.
Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) - You probably know this dude as Troy on Community, but did you know he's also a writer, and a hip hop singer? You can download his first album FOR FREE! If you like that you can get more of his music by searching for Childish Gambino on www.soundcloud.com. This is what I've been listening to the most... by most I mean like everyday.
What I've been playing:
GP2X Caanoo MAME/Console Emulator - I bought this for myself as a Christmas gift, since I knew I wouldn't have my PS3 or Xbox with me on my trip. What is this thing? It's pretty much a Gameboy type device, that you can download old school games onto... NES, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Gameboy, Neo Geo Pocket, and Playstation games on to... you can put more on there, but those are what I play on it. 150$ and I've probably played with that thing for at least 40-50 hours so far... at least.
What I've been reading:
Black Hole
Richard Stark's Parker, Vol. 1: The Hunter
Planetary Vol. 4: Spacetime Archaeology
Fables: The Deluxe Edition Book One
SoulPancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions
What I've been watching:
Californication - Currently on season 3.
Big Love - Almost finished with season 3.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Picked this up... Blu-Ray/DVD combo!
Sanctum 3D - Fuck this movie. I decided to see a movie instead of watch the Super Bowl, and it was between this and The Roommate. I decided on Sanctum, walked twenty minutes to the closest theater, and got in line to buy a ticket... a fucking ticket to this shitty movie cost me... 19.75$... I'm almost embarrassed to tell you all that's how much I paid, fucking ay. The theater was almost empty except for 4 gay dudes, and an old couple. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that this movie should of been in 3D. I'm still really pissed off about this. Come on!! TWENTY BUCKS?!?!? I should of seen The Roommate, a movie that could be based off of someone I know...
and... sure why not tell you guys what I've been eating...
What I've been eating:
Turkey sammiches
Yogurt and granola
Baked Lays
Ok... back to our regular scheduled programming...
First... I'd like to give a shout out to all the friends who've helped me get through this shitty time. I don't really want to list names... but you all should know who you are, cause you're the ones reading this. I have like one friend here in LA, so it's been great being able to talk to you guys even if it's online, text, whatevs. You all will be awarded with gold stars.
Special shout out to Craig Brenner for actually coming to LA to hang out! You will be awarded a platinum star.
Second... I'd like plug some items that have also helped get my mind off things...
What I've been listening to:
This American Life - This has been great to listen to on the long car rides, and at night before I go to bed... so fucking good.
Kanye West "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" - I know a lot of people think Kanye's a douchebag, but this albums actually pretty good.
Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) - You probably know this dude as Troy on Community, but did you know he's also a writer, and a hip hop singer? You can download his first album FOR FREE! If you like that you can get more of his music by searching for Childish Gambino on www.soundcloud.com. This is what I've been listening to the most... by most I mean like everyday.
What I've been playing:
GP2X Caanoo MAME/Console Emulator - I bought this for myself as a Christmas gift, since I knew I wouldn't have my PS3 or Xbox with me on my trip. What is this thing? It's pretty much a Gameboy type device, that you can download old school games onto... NES, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Gameboy, Neo Geo Pocket, and Playstation games on to... you can put more on there, but those are what I play on it. 150$ and I've probably played with that thing for at least 40-50 hours so far... at least.
What I've been reading:
Black Hole
Richard Stark's Parker, Vol. 1: The Hunter
Planetary Vol. 4: Spacetime Archaeology
Fables: The Deluxe Edition Book One
SoulPancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions
What I've been watching:
Californication - Currently on season 3.
Big Love - Almost finished with season 3.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Picked this up... Blu-Ray/DVD combo!
Sanctum 3D - Fuck this movie. I decided to see a movie instead of watch the Super Bowl, and it was between this and The Roommate. I decided on Sanctum, walked twenty minutes to the closest theater, and got in line to buy a ticket... a fucking ticket to this shitty movie cost me... 19.75$... I'm almost embarrassed to tell you all that's how much I paid, fucking ay. The theater was almost empty except for 4 gay dudes, and an old couple. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that this movie should of been in 3D. I'm still really pissed off about this. Come on!! TWENTY BUCKS?!?!? I should of seen The Roommate, a movie that could be based off of someone I know...
and... sure why not tell you guys what I've been eating...
What I've been eating:
Turkey sammiches
Yogurt and granola
Baked Lays
Ok... back to our regular scheduled programming...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
20) The Mystery of the Mysterious Mistress... a Tale of Mystery.
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Any morning The Four Kids are at the apartment, around 8:30 or 9:00 they get up and get breakfast making as much noise as humanly possible. So, this is when Russ would wake up. He wouldn't get out of bed, but he'd lay there tired as fuck.
Sunday morning around 11:00 The Actor and The Four Kids would go to church, so Russ would just hang out until they left, get out of bed, shower, and head out before they all got back.
The Actor was helping his kids make breakfast, and was talking to his kids. At some point in the conversation The Actor had said the word "vengetta" in reference to one of the kids wanting to get back at one of the other kids. Russ had heard him, and said...
"It's 'vendetta' with a 'D'."
"...you want to 'get' revenge though... you sure Russ?"
"Yea, I'm sure."
"Yea I'm fucking 100% positive, but go ahead and keep saying 'vengetta' if you want. I don't give a shit."
When The Four Kids were finished eating their breakfast, they went back into their room and watched cartoons or played games. The Actor decided to make himself a sandwich. When he pulled out the cheese he didn't realize he had bought the cheese with holes in it at the store.
"Man, I gotta show my kids this..."
He walked back into his bedroom.
"Yo, this is the cheese Jerry's always eatin' in Tom and Jerry!" Said The Actor, way more excitedly than he should have.
Russ could of told him it was called Swiss Cheese, but Russ felt he had shared enough wisdom with The Actor today, and just didn't care. Apparently The Actor doesn't even like Swiss Cheese. There are people in the world who don't like cheese that's white... if it's not orange cheese, they don't like it. Russ was one of those people as a kid, but he doesn't see the world that way anymore, he accepts cheeses of all colors and creeds.
Cheese is fucking delicious.
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On Sundays Russ would go to two comedy shows at the local theatre. The first one was at 6, so he showed up around 5:15, and was probably 7th or 8th in line. He had his headphones on, and was listening to some Childish Gambino.
"Russell..."
Russ's heart skipped a beat... no one on the streets of LA should know his name. He turned and found it was this girl he'd seen in line at a couple other shows.
"Are you in line for Garlin, or Assscat?"
"Garlin."
"Oh ok, well I guess I need to be in the other line then."
She walked to the other line, and left Russ wondering how she knew his name.
When the show was over, Russ walked out, and first in line for the next show was a group of girls, including the one who knew his name. They all said goodbye to him as he walked down the street.
Russ had a couple hours to kill before the next show, so he went and grabbed a salad at the local grocery store. He sat in his car, ate the salad, played Super Nintendo games for an hour and a half, and then walked back to the theatre.
When Russ got pretty close to the theatre he saw there were already two people in line, some guy and the girl who knew Russ's name. He walked up and got in line behind the guy. The girl looked at him and smiled...
"You're back? Did you just stick around the area until now?"
"Oh I went and got some dinner."
"How was Jeff Garlin's show? I've never been."
"It was good, I really like that dude, he's funny and so nice... how was Assscat?" (An improv show)
"Oh it was really good, Tim Meadows stuck around so that was cool."
"Nice."
There was a brief moment of silence.
"You know I don't think we've formally been introduced, I'm Megan."
She stuck out her hand for Russ to shake.
"Russ."
They shook hands.
"Hi, I'm Jeff."
The guy standing between Russ and Megan also stuck his hand out towards Russ to shake.
"Uh... hey. Russ... nice to meet you."
Megan continued to talk to Russ.
"So do you live around here or something?"
"Oh yea I live pretty close... er... I'm staying pretty close."
"Staying... so you're just visiting?"
"Yea... I might be here until the end of next month."
"And then...?"
"Back to Kansas City for a friend's wedding."
"Oh that's cool, I'm from Pennsylvania."
"Cool-"
"I'm from Boston." Said Jeff, butting into the conversation.
"Uh cool."
The three of them talked for a little bit, Jeff had asked Megan where the rest of her friends were, and then eventually asked Russ the same thing.
"Oh uh... It's just me... I don't really know anyone here."
"You know us!" said Jeff.
Megan and Jeff laughed, Russ let out a soft chuckle...
"Yea..."
Russ didn't mind talking to Megan, but Jeff was kind of cock blockin'... and then someone else joined the line and stood next to Jeff. Jeff's boyfriend.
Note: I don't remember his name. I've been spacing out a lot... during conversations, while writing, etc.
The group chatted for a little while, asking Russ many questions about where he's been, why he's in LA, what shows he's been to... Russ had made some friends.
"Way to go Russy!"
Russ never actually found out how Megan knew his name, but he'll probably see her around again. Maybe tonight at the show he's going to... who knows? Nope she wasn't there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Stuff happens! You all are pretty much all caught up on what's happened so far. The Price is Right is tomorrow... so... stick around.
Any morning The Four Kids are at the apartment, around 8:30 or 9:00 they get up and get breakfast making as much noise as humanly possible. So, this is when Russ would wake up. He wouldn't get out of bed, but he'd lay there tired as fuck.
Sunday morning around 11:00 The Actor and The Four Kids would go to church, so Russ would just hang out until they left, get out of bed, shower, and head out before they all got back.
The Actor was helping his kids make breakfast, and was talking to his kids. At some point in the conversation The Actor had said the word "vengetta" in reference to one of the kids wanting to get back at one of the other kids. Russ had heard him, and said...
"It's 'vendetta' with a 'D'."
"...you want to 'get' revenge though... you sure Russ?"
"Yea, I'm sure."
"Yea I'm fucking 100% positive, but go ahead and keep saying 'vengetta' if you want. I don't give a shit."
When The Four Kids were finished eating their breakfast, they went back into their room and watched cartoons or played games. The Actor decided to make himself a sandwich. When he pulled out the cheese he didn't realize he had bought the cheese with holes in it at the store.
"Man, I gotta show my kids this..."
He walked back into his bedroom.
"Yo, this is the cheese Jerry's always eatin' in Tom and Jerry!" Said The Actor, way more excitedly than he should have.
Russ could of told him it was called Swiss Cheese, but Russ felt he had shared enough wisdom with The Actor today, and just didn't care. Apparently The Actor doesn't even like Swiss Cheese. There are people in the world who don't like cheese that's white... if it's not orange cheese, they don't like it. Russ was one of those people as a kid, but he doesn't see the world that way anymore, he accepts cheeses of all colors and creeds.
Cheese is fucking delicious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Sundays Russ would go to two comedy shows at the local theatre. The first one was at 6, so he showed up around 5:15, and was probably 7th or 8th in line. He had his headphones on, and was listening to some Childish Gambino.
"Russell..."
Russ's heart skipped a beat... no one on the streets of LA should know his name. He turned and found it was this girl he'd seen in line at a couple other shows.
"Are you in line for Garlin, or Assscat?"
"Garlin."
"Oh ok, well I guess I need to be in the other line then."
She walked to the other line, and left Russ wondering how she knew his name.
When the show was over, Russ walked out, and first in line for the next show was a group of girls, including the one who knew his name. They all said goodbye to him as he walked down the street.
Russ had a couple hours to kill before the next show, so he went and grabbed a salad at the local grocery store. He sat in his car, ate the salad, played Super Nintendo games for an hour and a half, and then walked back to the theatre.
When Russ got pretty close to the theatre he saw there were already two people in line, some guy and the girl who knew Russ's name. He walked up and got in line behind the guy. The girl looked at him and smiled...
"You're back? Did you just stick around the area until now?"
"Oh I went and got some dinner."
"How was Jeff Garlin's show? I've never been."
"It was good, I really like that dude, he's funny and so nice... how was Assscat?" (An improv show)
"Oh it was really good, Tim Meadows stuck around so that was cool."
"Nice."
There was a brief moment of silence.
"You know I don't think we've formally been introduced, I'm Megan."
She stuck out her hand for Russ to shake.
"Russ."
They shook hands.
"Hi, I'm Jeff."
The guy standing between Russ and Megan also stuck his hand out towards Russ to shake.
"Uh... hey. Russ... nice to meet you."
Megan continued to talk to Russ.
"So do you live around here or something?"
"Oh yea I live pretty close... er... I'm staying pretty close."
"Staying... so you're just visiting?"
"Yea... I might be here until the end of next month."
"And then...?"
"Back to Kansas City for a friend's wedding."
"Oh that's cool, I'm from Pennsylvania."
"Cool-"
"I'm from Boston." Said Jeff, butting into the conversation.
"Uh cool."
The three of them talked for a little bit, Jeff had asked Megan where the rest of her friends were, and then eventually asked Russ the same thing.
"Oh uh... It's just me... I don't really know anyone here."
"You know us!" said Jeff.
Megan and Jeff laughed, Russ let out a soft chuckle...
"Yea..."
Russ didn't mind talking to Megan, but Jeff was kind of cock blockin'... and then someone else joined the line and stood next to Jeff. Jeff's boyfriend.
Note: I don't remember his name. I've been spacing out a lot... during conversations, while writing, etc.
The group chatted for a little while, asking Russ many questions about where he's been, why he's in LA, what shows he's been to... Russ had made some friends.
"Way to go Russy!"
Russ never actually found out how Megan knew his name, but he'll probably see her around again. Maybe tonight at the show he's going to... who knows? Nope she wasn't there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Stuff happens! You all are pretty much all caught up on what's happened so far. The Price is Right is tomorrow... so... stick around.
Monday, February 21, 2011
19) Byrone n' Russ Production Co!
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Friday The Actor celebrated his 32nd birthday. Friday was also the 2011 Celebrity All Star Game... Basketball game... I think that's the sport with the big orange ball you bounce around. Last year The Actor actually played in the All Star game... the Celebrity All Star game. Surprising right? They must be hurting for people to play.
Well this year The Actor wasn't on the roster to play, but it was his birthday, and he really wanted to play... more for the fact that it's some publicity than anything else. So he made some calls and got on the standby list.
Russ had heard The Prophet and Actor talking about going to the game around 4 or 4:30, so Russ thought he'd come back to the apartment around 5:30 or 6:00 and hang out for a few hours before going out. When he got to the apartment The Actor and The Prophet were still there waiting for their ride. Traffic was really bad due to the rain... which is ridiculous, because it's just rain.
Russ just laid in bed while The Actor stressed out about not getting to the game in time, and The Prophet just watched TV. Eventually their ride came and they left... apparently The Actor got to play in the second half, and scored 19 points or something? Nice I guess.
As an added bonus on his birthday, The Actor's kids didn't show up until 7am Saturday morning, instead of Friday night. Not a bonus for Russ who went out drinking for like the first time in a month and half, and was really hungover at 7am that morning.
"Fucking loud ass kids."
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Saturday morning, after getting like 3 hours of sleep The Actor has asked Russ if he could check out the footage of his acting gym. The Actor was on the way out with his kids to go shopping, and said he'd be back in 15 or 20 minutes so Russ told him he'd stick around. Two fucking hours, and after watching the original True Grit with John Wayne Russ decided to shower and leave.
Russ packed up his things, stopped by his car really quick out front, and started walking down the street.
What do you think happens next?
The Actor and The Four Kids were walking up the street towards Russ with a shitload of groceries.
"God dammit. God fucking dammit."
Russ stood on the sidewalk and waited for them to catch up to him. He offered to carry some of the groceries, took a few sacks, and walked with the group back to the apartment. When they got inside after everybody got settled, Russ pulled out his computer, and The Actor pulled up a chair. Russ had edited about a twenty minute version of the acting gym, so he gave The Actor some headphones and sat there while he watched it.
About a half an hour later, Russ had to pause the video a few times so The Actor could take a phone call and then yell at his kids, they had finished watching the video. The Actor told Russ that he had a DVD burner, and they should burn a bunch of copies of the acting class, and sell them on the street, so they could promote their talents.
"Who knows Russ, we get some of those DVDs out there, next thing you know, we're making money, and people see our skills, and then we're making more money cause they wanna use our skills. I get these DVDs out there, and people see that I teach acting, they'll wanna come check it out, come learn."
"Yea."
Note: My room mates love to hear themselves talk, it's hard to ever have a real conversation with them, so I'm usually just saying "yea" or "ok" every once in awhile, until they stop talking and I can do something else.
"Yea man, people see these DVD's and they ask, 'Who edited this together? Who shot this?' and boom Russ, you got people interested in your skills and you could start making money!"
"Yea... money's nice."
"I could be teachin' an acting class and you tell me you can't film because someone wants to pay you a couple hundred bucks that day to film something for them, or rent your camera."
"Yea man."
"I mean look Russ... I act, and direct, you shoot and edit... we have our own production team right here in the apartment!"
If you watched that short clip of the acting class that was posted the yesterday... Imagine two hours of that. Imagine you bought one of our DVD's on the street, you're excited... maybe you'll learn or pickup a couple things in the video to help with your acting skills, but then you get home and watch it. Not only have you wasted 5 or 10$ but also twenty minutes of your life are gone.
Note: The Actor actually has another acting class, or gym, today from 3-7, an hour longer than last time, and The Actor says there will be more students this time. Fuck that. I am not losing three hours of my life, to hear 7 people read the same bible scripture over and over again. I have important shit to do. There are a shitload of Youtube videos I haven't watched yet.
Anyways, after Russ and The Actor had finished watching the video, The Actor asked if Russ would take him to the post office really quick, it was just a few minutes away, Russ told him yes, not knowing the kids would have to come too. Couldn't they just sit in the apartment by themselves?
"That wouldn't be very responsible Russ."
"Fuck being responsible. Fuck kids."
They all hopped in the car and were off. The 3 minute drive took almost 15 minutes because of traffic, but they made it and pulled into the parking lot.
"Man, thanks for the ride Russ."
"No problem."
"See, I get to mail my brother this letter... he got locked up, and I can't go visit him, he's on the East coast."
"Oh yea?"
"So this will make him happy Russ, thanks."
"Uh huh."
The Actor got out of the car, and told the kids to wait in the car. Russ watched The Actor in the rear view mirror slowly walk over to this sports car, then he yelled out...
"Yo Russ!"
Still in the car with the windows down Russ replied...
"Yea?"
"Yo can you get a picture of me by this car?"
"Yea."
"Cool, cool."
Russ got out of the car, and so did the kids. The Actor handed Russ his camera phone, and told Russ to get a picture at a low angle. The Actor pulled out 3 copies of his DVD comedy play, fanned them out, and crouched in front of the car.
Note: Sorry, I don't know shit about cars. It was red. It had two doors... I know it was some kind of sports car, but that's it.
Russ took the picture as some dude slowly walked up to them. The Actor asked...
"Yo man is this your car?"
"Yea..."
"Oh cool, cool, I just wanted to get a picture in front of it really quick."
"Oh... ha ha right on."
"Cool, cool... yo man... you like comedy?"
"Um..."
"I got this comedy play... 10$ and it's yours."
"Oh... no thanks."
The guy got in his car and drove off. The Actor told the kids to get back in the car, and he headed into the post office. Russ got back in the car and fooled around on his iPhone for a bit. A few minutes later The Actor came out, and they all headed back to the apartment. Russ parked in front of the apartment, and they all got out.
Russ grabbed his bag and headed out on his own.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Some woman talks to Russ on the street, and knows his name!?! Who is this mysterious lady? Also The Actor says some dumb shit...
Stick around...
Friday The Actor celebrated his 32nd birthday. Friday was also the 2011 Celebrity All Star Game... Basketball game... I think that's the sport with the big orange ball you bounce around. Last year The Actor actually played in the All Star game... the Celebrity All Star game. Surprising right? They must be hurting for people to play.
Well this year The Actor wasn't on the roster to play, but it was his birthday, and he really wanted to play... more for the fact that it's some publicity than anything else. So he made some calls and got on the standby list.
Russ had heard The Prophet and Actor talking about going to the game around 4 or 4:30, so Russ thought he'd come back to the apartment around 5:30 or 6:00 and hang out for a few hours before going out. When he got to the apartment The Actor and The Prophet were still there waiting for their ride. Traffic was really bad due to the rain... which is ridiculous, because it's just rain.
Russ just laid in bed while The Actor stressed out about not getting to the game in time, and The Prophet just watched TV. Eventually their ride came and they left... apparently The Actor got to play in the second half, and scored 19 points or something? Nice I guess.
As an added bonus on his birthday, The Actor's kids didn't show up until 7am Saturday morning, instead of Friday night. Not a bonus for Russ who went out drinking for like the first time in a month and half, and was really hungover at 7am that morning.
"Fucking loud ass kids."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday morning, after getting like 3 hours of sleep The Actor has asked Russ if he could check out the footage of his acting gym. The Actor was on the way out with his kids to go shopping, and said he'd be back in 15 or 20 minutes so Russ told him he'd stick around. Two fucking hours, and after watching the original True Grit with John Wayne Russ decided to shower and leave.
Russ packed up his things, stopped by his car really quick out front, and started walking down the street.
What do you think happens next?
The Actor and The Four Kids were walking up the street towards Russ with a shitload of groceries.
"God dammit. God fucking dammit."
Russ stood on the sidewalk and waited for them to catch up to him. He offered to carry some of the groceries, took a few sacks, and walked with the group back to the apartment. When they got inside after everybody got settled, Russ pulled out his computer, and The Actor pulled up a chair. Russ had edited about a twenty minute version of the acting gym, so he gave The Actor some headphones and sat there while he watched it.
About a half an hour later, Russ had to pause the video a few times so The Actor could take a phone call and then yell at his kids, they had finished watching the video. The Actor told Russ that he had a DVD burner, and they should burn a bunch of copies of the acting class, and sell them on the street, so they could promote their talents.
"Who knows Russ, we get some of those DVDs out there, next thing you know, we're making money, and people see our skills, and then we're making more money cause they wanna use our skills. I get these DVDs out there, and people see that I teach acting, they'll wanna come check it out, come learn."
"Yea."
Note: My room mates love to hear themselves talk, it's hard to ever have a real conversation with them, so I'm usually just saying "yea" or "ok" every once in awhile, until they stop talking and I can do something else.
"Yea man, people see these DVD's and they ask, 'Who edited this together? Who shot this?' and boom Russ, you got people interested in your skills and you could start making money!"
"Yea... money's nice."
"I could be teachin' an acting class and you tell me you can't film because someone wants to pay you a couple hundred bucks that day to film something for them, or rent your camera."
"Yea man."
"I mean look Russ... I act, and direct, you shoot and edit... we have our own production team right here in the apartment!"
If you watched that short clip of the acting class that was posted the yesterday... Imagine two hours of that. Imagine you bought one of our DVD's on the street, you're excited... maybe you'll learn or pickup a couple things in the video to help with your acting skills, but then you get home and watch it. Not only have you wasted 5 or 10$ but also twenty minutes of your life are gone.
Note: The Actor actually has another acting class, or gym, today from 3-7, an hour longer than last time, and The Actor says there will be more students this time. Fuck that. I am not losing three hours of my life, to hear 7 people read the same bible scripture over and over again. I have important shit to do. There are a shitload of Youtube videos I haven't watched yet.
Anyways, after Russ and The Actor had finished watching the video, The Actor asked if Russ would take him to the post office really quick, it was just a few minutes away, Russ told him yes, not knowing the kids would have to come too. Couldn't they just sit in the apartment by themselves?
"That wouldn't be very responsible Russ."
"Fuck being responsible. Fuck kids."
They all hopped in the car and were off. The 3 minute drive took almost 15 minutes because of traffic, but they made it and pulled into the parking lot.
"Man, thanks for the ride Russ."
"No problem."
"See, I get to mail my brother this letter... he got locked up, and I can't go visit him, he's on the East coast."
"Oh yea?"
"So this will make him happy Russ, thanks."
"Uh huh."
The Actor got out of the car, and told the kids to wait in the car. Russ watched The Actor in the rear view mirror slowly walk over to this sports car, then he yelled out...
"Yo Russ!"
Still in the car with the windows down Russ replied...
"Yea?"
"Yo can you get a picture of me by this car?"
"Yea."
"Cool, cool."
Russ got out of the car, and so did the kids. The Actor handed Russ his camera phone, and told Russ to get a picture at a low angle. The Actor pulled out 3 copies of his DVD comedy play, fanned them out, and crouched in front of the car.
Note: Sorry, I don't know shit about cars. It was red. It had two doors... I know it was some kind of sports car, but that's it.
Russ took the picture as some dude slowly walked up to them. The Actor asked...
"Yo man is this your car?"
"Yea..."
"Oh cool, cool, I just wanted to get a picture in front of it really quick."
"Oh... ha ha right on."
"Cool, cool... yo man... you like comedy?"
"Um..."
"I got this comedy play... 10$ and it's yours."
"Oh... no thanks."
The guy got in his car and drove off. The Actor told the kids to get back in the car, and he headed into the post office. Russ got back in the car and fooled around on his iPhone for a bit. A few minutes later The Actor came out, and they all headed back to the apartment. Russ parked in front of the apartment, and they all got out.
Russ grabbed his bag and headed out on his own.
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Next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Some woman talks to Russ on the street, and knows his name!?! Who is this mysterious lady? Also The Actor says some dumb shit...
Stick around...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
18) Meet the room mates... Pt. 5 The New Guy?
Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Over nine months ago, The Drug Dealer and his girlfriend were separated... separated by her father. What?! Why? How come? Huh? Because they were both addicted to heroine. 9 months later, now clean...although she still looks like she does drugs... the girlfriend moved here to LA to be with her man. The Drug Dealer moved out of the apartment with Russ and his rag tag crew, to an apartment down the street with his lady, and they lived happily ever after. The end?
Ha ha yea right.
Their story doesn't end there... when on probation, The Drug Dealer fails a drug test, and has to go to court to find out his punishment. Jail time or rehab? The Drug Dealer now has to go to rehab for 6 weeks, and the two will be separated again. Will their love triumph? At least they got to spend a week together.
Note: Oh shit I need to get my bike lock back from that dude... I hope it's not too late. Fuck.
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When Russ left one morning, The Actor informed him that when he got back, they might have a new room mate.
"Hey when you get back tonight Russ, the new guy might be here."
"Cool... what's his name?"
"WALL-E... or Wall-ay?" (I'm sure he meant Wally, but when he said it I thought of the robot.)
The thought of having a robot room mate excited Russ
"Cool."
Russ got home that night, and The New Guy wasn't there. 15 minutes later The New Guy showed up. After a day and a half of being on the bus, he had finally made it here to LA from Austin, Texas. Russ didn't know what to think of The New Guy... he's really quiet, has a shit load of stuff... boxes, two huge suitcases, a couple small suitcases... He also didn't come home... "home" ha ha... He also didn't come back to the apartment last night.
Two days later his stuff is still there, but he hasn't been around. No one's mentioned anything.
Was The New Guy okay? Had the mean streets of LA already overtaken him? Russ didn't really care.
Maybe a day or two from now when this goes online, Russ would have a more interesting story about The New Guy.
(Two days later... nope.)
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This post was kind of lacking so here's a treat...
I cut out a few minutes of the acting class and edited this together real quick. Enjoy
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming up next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ spends some quality time with The Actor and The Four Kids.
Over nine months ago, The Drug Dealer and his girlfriend were separated... separated by her father. What?! Why? How come? Huh? Because they were both addicted to heroine. 9 months later, now clean...although she still looks like she does drugs... the girlfriend moved here to LA to be with her man. The Drug Dealer moved out of the apartment with Russ and his rag tag crew, to an apartment down the street with his lady, and they lived happily ever after. The end?
Ha ha yea right.
Their story doesn't end there... when on probation, The Drug Dealer fails a drug test, and has to go to court to find out his punishment. Jail time or rehab? The Drug Dealer now has to go to rehab for 6 weeks, and the two will be separated again. Will their love triumph? At least they got to spend a week together.
Note: Oh shit I need to get my bike lock back from that dude... I hope it's not too late. Fuck.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Russ left one morning, The Actor informed him that when he got back, they might have a new room mate.
"Hey when you get back tonight Russ, the new guy might be here."
"Cool... what's his name?"
"WALL-E... or Wall-ay?" (I'm sure he meant Wally, but when he said it I thought of the robot.)
The thought of having a robot room mate excited Russ
"Cool."
Russ got home that night, and The New Guy wasn't there. 15 minutes later The New Guy showed up. After a day and a half of being on the bus, he had finally made it here to LA from Austin, Texas. Russ didn't know what to think of The New Guy... he's really quiet, has a shit load of stuff... boxes, two huge suitcases, a couple small suitcases... He also didn't come home... "home" ha ha... He also didn't come back to the apartment last night.
Two days later his stuff is still there, but he hasn't been around. No one's mentioned anything.
Was The New Guy okay? Had the mean streets of LA already overtaken him? Russ didn't really care.
Maybe a day or two from now when this goes online, Russ would have a more interesting story about The New Guy.
(Two days later... nope.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This post was kind of lacking so here's a treat...
I cut out a few minutes of the acting class and edited this together real quick. Enjoy
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming up next time on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"
Russ spends some quality time with The Actor and The Four Kids.
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